Monday, November 29, 2010

things that suck 2010

In no particular order Ima list a couple things that suck in 2010. Note that most of these sucked before 2010, and they'll still suck after 2010.

hipsters - I'm sure I've made a couple mentions about how much I hate hipsters in numerous posts. Just a friendly reminder that yes, hipsters still suck. Nothing groundbreaking, just...oh goddamnit, see what I mean? Look at this asshole. I hate him so much and I don't even know him. I feel horrible. Maybe he's a really nice guy, maybe he donates half his paycheck to kids with cerebral palsy, maybe he has a heart of gold. I'll never know, and I can live with that because he's such a goddamn stupid hipster with a shitty sweater.

skinny jeans - Kinda related to hipsters, but skinny jeans suck enough to get their own little explanation. True story, I was jean shopping the other day, and while trying on like 37 pairs of jeans, thought it'd be sweet to try on a pair of skinny jeans. While yes, they do look awesome on me - especially highlighting my monstrous, muscular thighs - they did look fucking stupid. Great barometer to judge the quality of a person - wearing skinny jean? Fucking DOUCHEBAG. Not wearing skinny jeans? Probably a fucking DOUCHEBAG, but maybe not.

you - Yes, you still suck. There's only one cure for your suckiness: pass my blog onto a couple friends. OK, one other cure too: COMMENT!

atheists - Lol these crybabies hate Christians and brag about being atheists, then deify their shitty president. WTF, bro? I don't believe in god either, but goddamn (lol), I'm not 16 anymore; is it really that shocking, witty, or clever to make fun of those more pious than thou? Just shut the fuck up and get back to work.

liberals - The Obama dicksucking is just insane; I've honestly never seen anything like it. Even all the idiots that thought Bush was a good president weren't this bad. Despite tolerance and openmindedness being traditional liberal values, if you're looking for either, look elsewhere (hint: if you're a hot chick, look in my pants - you'll find tons there).

neo-conservatives - See immediately above, cause they're the GODDAMN SAME. But for some reason, since neither of them can differentiate themselves from the other - neo-conversvatives, you suck the fat one. Sarah Palin, you suck too. But goddamn you and your daughter are hot. Also included here: rural bumpkins (not to be confused with blumpkins) and Bush sympathizers.

holidays - Kinda bittersweet here, I love partying with my fam and shit, but I hate holiday cheer, Christmas lights, gifts, fun, egg nog, and caroling. That said, I love spending the night at either of my parent's places, getting tore up with my brother, and reminding them that despite my good looks, hot wife, and huge bankroll, deep down I'm still a fuckup at heart.

wet farts - Yes, wet farts actually suck. They always seem to happen at the most inopportune times. It can really be quite frustrating. At the gym, at the office, while boning, while sleeping, or in the shower. Each of those examples has either happened to me, and/or somebody I personally know. And as kind of an addendum, not being able to shower after taking a dump REALLY sucks. I can't help it, gotta stay clean, and a short, post-dump shower is a necessity.

There you have it, a couple things that suck.


Anonymous said...

i wear skinny jeans to accentuate my shit. heckyeah i do!

shawty said...

Why are we even friends?

heck yeah, man said...

our mutual hate for each other is the buoy that keeps our friendship afloat.

Anonymous said...

fuck you, asshat.