Friday, November 12, 2010

that sucks bro

And now, a short collection of brief stories from my experiences over the past 3 months at my new gym, Planet Fitness in Ypsilanti.

1. Yes, there actually is a place called Ypsilanti. Worse, on my drive to the gym in Ypsilanti, there's a huge sign that says "YPSI ARBOR". That sign, about 2 miles after a different huge sign that reads "ARBOR LAND". Wtf weirdos.

2. Had a small encounter with some wiry little bench-stealing shithead. True story, I saw an empty bench with a couple discarded dumbbell chillin' in the immediate vicinity. Thinkin' maybe some turd was on the bench, I walked up, looked around, waited a minute, and after nothing, I took it. Sure enough, right as I'm ASSUMING THE POSITION TO BENCH A MILLION POUNDS, some ratboy comes up to me like I'm on his bench.

"Oh, were you on this?", I inquire.

"Yeah", he answers timidly.

"Cool, I just got 5 sets, then it's all yours", I let him know.

3. This isn't really specific to my new gym, just something I thought needed to be commented on:

I consider myself a pretty good fart manager. What I mean is, I'm pretty good at controlling the sound and the fury of my flatulence. See at the gym I'm usually listening to my headphones.

But I hate farting with headphones on.
How am I supposed to know if I squeak one out and it's too loud? So I pause the tunes, nonchalantly empty the gas out from my bowels - in between sets of course - and continue on with my lifts.

I've gotten so good that sometimes I don't even notice that I farted until after I'm already surrounded by the ill effects of my humid, gaseous excretion.

Last week I saw some dude sniffin' kinda funny at the next station over, after I dusted him. That sucks bro.

4. There is actually a gym member that has a guido blowout haircut. I'm not even shitting you.

It looks pretty similar to this goof. Just minding my own business, here comes some shithead with huge sneakers, huge basketball shorts, and a huge cutoff t-shirt, with two of the twiggiest, skinniest little bitch arms sticking out.
All capped with a guido blow out.
After looking him in the eye and smirking, it was back to the SKULLCRUSHERS.
I've been seeing him about once a week, and it never ceases to bring a ROFL, watching him almost dance up to the weights lol.


Chris Plumb said...

Sup with the blog? Not really feelin it :/

Tampa Tampa said...

Wonder what you're really doing with the pickles bre.


not cool.

tampa_frotter said...

...not that pickle-frotting is bad - i love frotting with other dudes' pickles.