Monday, November 22, 2010

sports r awesome

We went to the University of Wisconsin Badgers - University of Michigan Wolverines football game on Saturday. It was pretty sweet. I guess Michigan Stadium is the biggest in the country. I don't know, didn't seem much bigger than The Swamp, despite the 15-20k seat advantage.

Pretty nice stadium.

So here's my thing with attending sporting events: They're fun, but most of the time the hassle of waiting in line, listening to idiot fans, and the super high ticket and refreshment prices makes watching the game at the bar much more appealing.

So we don't go to a lot of games.

Let's go through a little play by play of my documented experiences from Saturday.

It was a noon game, so we slept till like 10, took our dumps n showers, ate breakfast, and walked the mile to the stadium. It was kinda chilly, so before we left, Heckyeahwoman asked me, seriously, "You're going to double up on the socks, right?"

Nah, that ain't me. I graciously provided her a pair of my warm socks though.

And we did bundle up pretty furiously.

The walk wasn't so bad, nothing too crazy happened. Waited in a couple lines, but finally found our seats without incident. And by without incident, I mean I hit the first concession stand I could find and DEMOLISHED a $4 pre-game hotdog.

They have these sweet condiment pumps, so I'm reefing on the goddamn relish pump, and nothing's coming out. I mean, I'm pumping on this goddamn thing, and finally a huge wad of relish shoots out in a clump, all over my hot dog.

At first I was pissed, but then I took a bite and it was really really tasty.

OK, got a little sidetracked, so we're at our seats, and there is some mother sitting right behind us constantly explaining everything that is happening during the game to what was probably a foreign exchange student. That went on the entire game.

Then we noticed that there was some asshole in the stands playing a cowbell. But it wasn't just any cowbell, nah, it was a Wolverine cowbell. And he wasn't just playing it, he was FUCKING PLAYING IT. I've never seen a more SERIOUS look on anybody's face, ever. He played it so furiously that I started to feel bad for him.

I mean he played that cowbell like it's all that he's got. I'm pretty sure his wife took the kids and left because of that goddamn cowbell. What a dick.

Yo, I'm not against wearing a Gator hat, or a Wolverines shirt to a game, but bringing a cowbell would never even cross my mind. I can't imagine the thought process: "Dude I'm going to a college football game on Saturday, it would be sweet if I brought a cowbell".

Where does that even come from?

Finally, about halfway though the first quarter, the vacant seats to my left were finally taken by two (2) rural ass hillbilly retards. The score was 24-0, Wisconsin, at half-time, and these goofballs weren't taking it too well.

At one point, the bigger one yelled, "TAKE THAT YA CHEEZER!", when the Wisconsin quarterback got sacked. Lolz @ that quarterback tossing a TD on the next play. Anyway, this college football game got under his skin so much that he thought it would be a good idea to yell from the 50th row, on the other side of the field, "take that ya cheezer", to the opposing team's quarterback.

I can't imagine ever giving a shit about a game that much.

Also worth noting - him and his buddy were chewing tobacco, and it was gross. So rural.

As luck would have it, I wound up having another encounter with that idiot. Right after the third quarter started, I ran up to get some food. And as I'm making my way up the stairs to the concessions (behind a skinny teenager in a WI jersey), I spy my rural friend coming down the stairs!

Oh noes!

Lol, right as he passes by the kid in the WI jersey, he tells him, "you got some balls wearing that around here". Yes, that's a 35 year old grown semi-man talking shit to a teenager. ROFL, I watched as the kid lightly acknowledged him, shook his head, and kept walking lol.

FYI dude, a thick midwestern accent doesn't ever really come across as tough.

Almost forgot, I heard "fag" and "gay" multiple times from the dudes getting the angriest about the game. Like, I take pride in how much I discriminate against minorities, but even I couldn't imagine uttering those words so they're audible to anyone in public.

We've got a couple more sporting events lined up over the next month or so. Don't worry, you'll be the first ones to get the cr00sh updates. In the meantime, check out this sweet vid:

No comments: