Friday, November 5, 2010

anything vegan

Woke up last Saturday around 9:00 feeling great. Lol just kidding, I felt like shit and was pretty hazy from all that getting fucked up I did the night before.

Heckyeahwoman was out cold till like 11, so I just laid there, pissed.

Eventually she woke up and I offered to walk the 2 blocks to get us a Caribou Coffee treat. Shockingly, she offered to come along, so we jumped out of bed (without boning), got dressed, and out the door we were.

I wound up ordering some shitty mocha white chocolate pumpkin spice latte. It tasted like shit. Had 'em do white chocolate cause I'm mad racist, son. She got a plain pumpkin spice latte thing. It also tasted like shit.

Shoulda just got the amercano, dog.

Anyway, we were waiting for the javaz, and there is some weird ass "employee favorites" thing on the bulletin board on the wall. Like I give A FUCK about what some goddamn hot ass slutty high school barista gives a shit about. Whatever, among the favorites were their favorite coffee, movie, song, food, etc.

The point is, one dumb bitch put "anything vegan" for her favorite food.

What the fuck, did you misread?

I don't think it was "your favorite way to act better than me"; it was just your favorite food. Like maybe your favorite vegan dish.

There are only a couple foodz that are always 100% good: pizza, tacos, burritos, and beer. And whiskey. You can't fuck those things up. "Vegan" is not on the list. I've had amazing vegan food, and I've had shitty vegan food - it runs the gamut.

YOU DUMB FUCKING SLUT I JUST RAN OVER A SQUIRREL AND IM GOING TO EAT IT BECAUSE OF YOU FUCK YOU WHORE.

Obviously she wanted to let everybody know that she was vegan, and that by putting "anything vegan", people would know she was vegan, and that she was better than everybody.

I would have honestly rather seen a specific tasty vegan dish...you know, something to maybe inspire me to eat a MEAT FREE MEAL. Instead, I get some skank failing miserably at being awesome.

The more I think about this, the angrier I get. I just put my fucking 3 month old adorable kitten in the oven.

That's on you, slore.

Ok that's not true at all; I would never do that. But like 2 months ago I was biking in the neighborhood, and I saw some totally brutalized snake on the street. The fucker was like half skinned from his midsection to his tail. The rest of him totally normal, minus the being dead part.

As I approached, the swarm of crows, that were pecking at his corpse, all dispersed, and it was all I could do to hide my disdain for those nonvegan asshole crows.

1 comment:

YO said...

You should have Hardee's Thickburgers delivered to her anonymously everyday.