Friday, October 8, 2010

you keep a loaded gun in the house!


You ever see that show, Shit My Dad Says? William SHATner's new show? Dude shoulda stuck with Boston Legal and James Spader, but whatevs.

Anyway, there was a scene where Shatner pulls out a shotgun (in the house omg lol), it goes off, and while Shatner is chilled out, the son is freaking out.

Right after the shot rings out, the son exclaims, "You keep a loaded gun in the house!?!?"

And in case you forgot, guns don't kill people; people with mustaches kill people. And MUSTACHE MAY is just 7 short months away! Lookout! But seriously, ruh roh, the gun was loaded! No shit you stupid fucks, what do you think chambers, magazines and clips are for?

Hint: storing shitloads of bullets.

Obviously the TV show is bullshit, and they did that little scene for comedic effect, but there is a much more serious truth that they glazed over: if you're playing around with a loaded gun, and it goes off, that's on you, friendo. Ain't no ghosts pulling the trigger, and it certainly ain't pulling itself.

There was no yelling, "You pulled the trigger, you asshole!". No blaming old crazy Shatner for recklessly waving around a tool that was meant to PUT HOLES IN PEOPLE. Instead, the poor, little, inanimate gun is to blame.

True story, guns weren't invented with thoughts of kittens purring; no, guns were invented with thoughts of KILLING MOTHERFUCKERS FUCK YEAH.

But Heck Yeah Man, INC., if the bullet wasn't in the chamber, rendering the gun useless, it wouldn't have gone off!

OK, fair enough, but what about this:

If you hadn't left the car in the garage, I wouldn't have repeatedly run your brother over!

If you hadn't left the baseball bat lying around, I wouldn't have brutally bashed your aunt's skull in!

If you hadn't left the bottle of bleach unlocked in the cleaning supplies closet, I wouldn't have forced it down little Johnny's throat!

If you hadn't left those two bottles of motor oil sitting on the shelf in the garage, I wouldn't have poured it all over the Earth!

Kind of related: Man, I remember when I used to deer hunt. We'd get to our tree stand at like 5:30 in the morning. Ok that was usually my dad lol; my brother and I would usually wind up crawling into our stands just barely before dark.

So once we're up in our stands, I get my walkman set up (F You, this was before mp3 players), and start cranking some tunes, trying not to fall back asleep/out of the tree. No shit, without fail, every year, at least 5 minutes before any sunlight appeared, you'd hear gunshots off in the distance.

And again, without fail, a minute or two later, you'd hear the ambulance sirens. One time, it was close enough where I actually heard screams.

I never shot a deer, but those precious 5 minutes before the start of opening day, every year, totally made up for any near falls out of the tree stand.

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