IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY MOM SHITTING ME OUT OF THE WOMB, I WOULDN'T BE HERE. THANKS FOR NOT FLUSHING, MOM!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! YOU'RE THE BEST MOM EVER!
I mailed my mom a birthday present, she got it Monday, and opened it. Didn't even wait till today lol.
PRE-CONGRATULATIONS GO OUT TO ***** AND **** GETTING MARRIED ON SATURDAY. Thought this was pretty appropriate for a HUMP DAY PUMP UP.
The good news is that it's in beautiful Florida, ON THE BEACH. Tons of our friends are gonna be there, and we're gonna get tore up and party. The bad news is that I have to fly to get there. FUCK YOU, FLYING.
The saving grace is that I'm flying first class, getting loaded on free whiskey, while Heckyeahwoman suffers in poverty-class lol.
No but seriously, nothing I love more than seeing two souls so deep in love go 'n get hitched for eternity. Wait, I love the fact that we booked the hotel next door to where the wedding and reception are, and saved like $100 a night.
I love that.
I also love titties and buffalo wings.
Back to the happy couple - it feels like just yesterday Heckyeahwoman and I were hitting Big Lou's for some Buffalo Chicken Pizza, and out walks ***** with some unkown tall, dark and handsome dude.
That dude turned out to be ****, heck yeah.
They're an awesome couple, and we're really PUMPED to be viewing their nuptials. Also PUMPED to drink a shitload of their booze, and eat some awesome food. They've been planning the wedding for a while; it should be pretty insane.
Can't wait to eat cake too.
Also worth getting PUMPED about: I got a new mouse for my computer. Seriously. It's the most effortless mouse I've ever used. All I have to do is think about clicking, or think about scrolling, and it clicks or scrolls. Dude it's awesome.
Join me in getting PUMPED through the rest of the week, the weekend, and maybe even a little bit into next week.