Friday, October 29, 2010

cars that sluts drive

Over the years I've noticed that certain types of broads drive certain types of cars. I think it's nigh time for a quick scientific rundown of the different cars that sluts drive. From Mitsubishi Eclipses to Jeep Liberties, I'm going to tell you exactly what kind of twentysomething slut is behind the wheel.

***Mom, if you're reading this, be warmed - it gets kinda blue.

Mitsubishi Eclipse - the classic slut car. If you see a chick in this ride, you know she's an easy lay. She also probably has those ugly JLo sunglasses, and fake nails, but eh, at least she's female. This is the type of girl you find in the club, at the houseparty, wherever, tore up, gaggin' on some dong in the bathroom. Stay away, unless you're looking for a one-nighter, and an STD. And I think deep down, we all kinda are. Really tight jeans with ghetto white shoes alert.

2004+ BMW, Benz, Lexus, or Audi - the classy slut. Nothin' like riding around with some skank in a sweet car, tunes blastin', her hand down your pants, life is good. Been there done that. Here she exhibits the classic rebellion against her stuffy, Republican parents by adorning her ride with an Obama sticker. Don't worry, she'll grow out of it. For real though, she's flighty as hell and DTF. This chick is about as datable as we're gonna cover here, based solely on the fact that she's got money. Scratch that, her 'rents have got money. And she's most likely hot.

Pick-up truck - country bumpkin slut. Since we're covering twentysomethings, you're not gonna see a lot of slores in pick-up trucks, but you'll come across them. And when you do, be ready to capitalize. The thing is, most of the time, she'll have her hillbilly boyfriend with her. Don't let that stop you from mackin' though. While she's redneck at heart, she's dying for a dude with a little class...just a little though. Please keep one thing in mind: her billy-bob boyfriend usually doesn't wear protection.

Jeep Liberty - the chick's SUV. What we've got here is an outdoorsy kinda slut. She likes to do outdoorsy things like hiking. And by hiking, I mean a cheap excuse to get pounded in the wilderness. Nothin' wrong with that, just know that if you find yourself creepin' on a slore with a Liberty, you're probably not gonna have a very tough time gettin' your poke on, outdoors or otherwise. On the scale of datability, bitches that drive these cars generally score a little bit higher. Why? I don't know.

Honda Accord or Civic - the value-driven slut. Most likely this car is a secondhand vehicle, handed down from her middle class father. If she did manage to procure it herself, you can bet she bought it used. Does that make her a slut? No, but she makes up for her vanilla car by raging on the weekend, getting destroyed on the regular. Gotta admire a woman that appreciates value. *Heckyeahwoman, you are not included here.

Toyota Prius Hybrid - the almost green slut. She feels bad about her insane energy consumption, enourmous appetite for steaks (and cock), and high paying corporate job where she gets paid to rip people off. So she buys a hybrid, setting her carbon footprint back to zero. Not quite, but that's what she thinks. This trick is fresh outta college, worked hard, got worked harder, and is cleavaging her way up the corporate ladder. She looks great in her business suits, thanks to hours spent in the gym every day. If she doesn't immediately come onto you when you walk in the room, then it's gonna be too much effort to lay the pipe here, better off doin' a quick scan for one of the sluts mentioned above.

Disclaimer: not every chick fits neatly into the crude stereotyping above.


Susan said...

wasn't as blue as I thought it would be. and there was no over-use of the "f" word.

accordslorin said...

BRAVO on the use of DTF, but honestly - aren't ALL chics DTF? Or do I just need better friends? And you're going to DIE for hating on Honda drivers.

Tampa Yeah Tampa! said...

You forgot one classic.

The PT Cruiser - definitely a chick car.

Good post.