Monday, October 11, 2010


Maroon 5 - Hands All Over

Well, I think you knew this was coming.

By far the best album I've heard all year, all last year, all next year, and until the next Maroon 5 album comes out.

Aside from singer Adam Levine's fantastic, easily identifiable voice, you would be hard pressed to guess that this is the same band that wrote Songs About Jane. 8 years later, the band has evolved into...well, a pop-rock machine. When I say pop, I mean POP. I mean heavily influenced from 60's through 80's pop music, rather than heavy use of synthesizers and autotune.

The star of the album is easily Adam Levine's voice and the melodies he effortlessly sings. Unfortunately, those melodies contain some of the most predictable lyrics I've ever heard. Sticking primarily to girls, the lyrics are either horned up, or pining away over some broad. You're around 30 years old, dude; I think your imagination is capable of a little bit more lyrical variety.

Everything they did on 2007's It Won't Be Soon Before Long has been amplified into that album - times two. Though there are fewer ballads here, the few they did include are fantastic. The requisite, "heavier" power chord driven tune is present, and is awesome.

"Give a Little More", the second track, channels Michael Jackson in his mid 80's heyday. Third track, "Stutter" could have been the theme song to Full House. "I Can't Lie" has a subtle Mo-town vibe to it. Of course the album does have a low point, and that's closer "Out of Goodbyes", featuring Lady Antebellum. While not a bad song, the country vibe doesn't fit with the bouncy, poppy vibe the rest of the album has. That, and I didn't buy a fucking Lady Antebellum album, I bought a fucking Maroon 5 album. Get the fuck out of here.

Also worth mentioning is the packaging: shitty cardboard shit. I know Maroon 5 is involved in the environment and shit, but a stupid cardboard sleeve stores the actual CD. I'd rather just have a regular plastic case. Whatever, after all their preachy going green bullshit on facebook and twitter, I am reconciled by all the littering and energy wasting I've been doing. Besides, when you make an album this awesome, I don't give a shit how much of a crybaby you are.

Good news is that the album includes 5 more bonus tracks, and like It Won't Be Soon Before Long, there's not a stinker in the bunch. In fact, IWBSBL's bonus tracks were my favorite songs on the album, and actually stronger than this effort's bonus tunes.

Without a doubt, the album's highlight for me is "How". You want to talk about perfection, unless you're getting a blow job from some chick with three mouths, and she's feeding you de-boned buffalo wings with her boobs, this is as good as it gets.

Let your ears decide:

Actual review that almost got posted instead: "This album is awesome, fuck you".

More awesome albums coming up - albums many of you might actually think are awesome.

1 comment:

got served said...

That's really awesome of you to review this album for "National Coming Out Day!"