Daytime TV is pretty horrible. Last week, I was grabbing a quick bite before the gym, and decided to turn on the tube for a minute. Great, it's the Martha Stewart Show. Awesome, love that trick.
But even more awesome was the dialogue that immediately caught my attention, as the television powered itself up.
Seriously, the first thing I heard, without even knowing what the hell I would be watching, was: "my home is my sanctuary, as is yours".
The sound was audible about a second before the picture flickered on - about the time it took for me to register what I just heard. Finally, the picture appears, and what do I see on the screen, sitting next to Martha Stewart, offering my home for his sanctuary needs?
A rather rotund, flamboyant, middle-aged man. wut
Obviously my attention has been grabbed, so as I watched, I learned that he was a judge on some "top-model" show. I don't remember which one. Apparently they were discussing some sort of interior design stuff, and I tuned in at the tail end of it, presumably catching his closing argument for pimping out your own home. Listen brother, you ain't have to convince me; I want a sweet home too.
Let's go back to what he said though: "my home is my sanctuary, as is yours". No motherfucker, my home is not your sanctuary any more than your home is my sanctuary. I get what you're trying to say, 'cept you failed IN AN EPIC MANNER.
He went on to talk about some stuff, using the words "inspirational" and "aspirational" pretty much interchangeably. Just nodding her head, Martha Stewart didn't interject much, most likely to allow him to empty out his thoughts. You could tell she'd had enough of this airhead, and couldn't wait for the commercial break.
You and me both, shawtie.