Wednesday, August 18, 2010


I'm gonna cut right to the chase: things have been kinda shitty lately, so let's start this thing off with some awesome:

Ok, back to reality: just moved to a new city and I'm looking for a job. Cool. Trying to cut my discretionary spending till I am employed. Makes sense. Sometimes I wish I was the government, and that spending frivolously didn't matter, and that I could just print money, and that proven laws of economics didn't apply to me.

But I love buying stuff!

In true Democrat style, my landlord offered us a handout. That's right, our own little bailout: we get free wireless internet from them - but my DESKTOP COMPUTER doesn't have a FUCKING WIRELESS THING. So I had to buy a wireless adapter to plug into the USB.

$80 later, I have shitty, spotty, wireless internet on my desktop. No big deal, the other day the adapter thing seemed to uninstall itself so I spent a good goddamn hour sweating, swearing, and trying to figure out WHY THE FUCK MY GMAIL WON'T FUCKING LOAD.

A couple weeks later, I was trying to split our cable, and in doing so, I had to unscrew the coax cable from the back of the TV, that was already hooked up. Sadly, I'm so strong that I screwed it on there tight as fuck. So tight, that I wasn't even strong enough to unscrew it. Not there's a paradox for the ages. After grabbing my wrench, I got it loose. But I also loosened up the DAMN SCREW THING THAT YOU SCREW THE CABLE INTO, ATTACHED TO THE BACK OF THE TV.

Now the cable hardly comes in, and you have to mess with the cable right where it's plugged into the back of the TV, for the picture to come in somewhat visibly. F BOMB. Welcome to I Need a New TV City, population: 1.

And then the other day when the internet went out, I decided to leave the goddamn computer alone for a minute, and watch some TV. Oh yeah, I have to fuck with the connection so I can get a picture. After reaching my ARM behind the TV for 2 minutes, suddenly something feels loose. Looser than normal.

Yes, the part where the cable is screwed into the TV is now completely, 100%, and totally dislodged from, and unconnected to, the TV. In case you're not following, it broke.

It's taking a lot of control right now to not be using all caps.

I guess on the plus side, I've been drinking every night. Seems to chill me out, help me sleep.

It appears that this was more of a PUMP DOWN. Do your best to turn my trash into your treasure; get PUMPED that you're probably having a better day than I am.

Last chance to get PUMPED: I was back in Wisconsin last week and got Toppers TWICE. FUCK YEAH I DID. Easily the smartest thing I've done lately.

Second last chance to get PUMPED, despite all the shitty stuff: I pre-ordered the new MAROON 5 ALBUM TODAY. Expect each HDPU to feature MAROON 5 awesomeness until the release date, September 21. Then that very next HDPU, you can expect a full review of the album. Holy shit I can't wait.

OK, I'm pretty PUMPED right now.


dark beer said...

BIG rofl @ "paradox for the ages" !!!

Downtown said...

also BIG lol @ that dumb screen shot of the Maroon 5 video !!!

Tampa Employed said...


HECK YEAH, MAN said...

double roffz @ dark beer AND downtown lol. don't worry brah, as soon as it leaks, i'll fax you the dl link.

tampa employed - thanks for carrying that HUGE TV when we moved. but i think you damaged it. plz send moneyz