Monday, July 12, 2010

yeah, i guess i am

I've been called racist before. In fact, it's happened many times. I can't say I disagree; I hate any and all different types of races. I believe that my race is superior to any other race. I believe that all other races are inferior.

This should come as no surprise to most of you that know me.

I hate greyhound racing. People who race horses are pussies, and I hate them. NASCAR fucking sucks. I piss on funny car racing. Drag racing is dumb. Track and cross-country racing, also horrible. And soccer. Not technically a race, but super-shitty.

What about mixed-races? Bad Christ, don't get me started. Those are the worst! Take a triathlon - swimming, biking, and running? All at the same time? How the hell are you supposed to do that?!?! Stick to one race, pussybeats. So confusing, my head is going to explode.

The only races I like are the ones that I'm involved in. My race. My races. As you can tell, I'm very particular about what types of races I'll even think about enjoying.

Go-kart races are awesome, but only if I'm on the track, and a bunch of little black kids are ramming their karts into mine - just like last time I raced go-karts. Fuck yeah, that's awesome. So funny when they learn that a 75 lb kid in a go-kart is gonna spin out when crashing into a 200lb Adonis in a go-kart. Physics - get into it, you little fuckers.

Also bike races. I like bike races. But being the racist that I am, I'm very particular about them; not all bike races are created equal. I only like the races where I race against my friends that aren't faster than me. Other than that, bike racing sucks balls. Or in Lance Armstrong's case, sucks one ball.

So the next time someone calls you racist, don't feel bad; own up to it. Let 'em know you think Dale Jr is gay. Go ahead, admit it; old one-nut Armstrong is a juicehead. And watching bike racing is lame as shit anyway.

Maybe you don't like the stigma that today's bullshit society attaches to being a racist. Maybe you want a less polarizing way to describe your views on race. If that's the case, then you're a pussy. Don't be afraid to let everybody know that yeah, you think some races are inferior.

Inferior to you (me) tearin' it up in a go-kart.

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