Friday, June 11, 2010

welcome to subway

"Welcome to Subway; we have a serial killer on the loose."

This seriously happened to us in Jennings, Louisiana. OK, the sandwich artist didn't greet us exactly like that, but it was pretty close.

After walking in, the lady greeted us, and as she prepared our subs, I commented about how many cops we saw on the highway in the area. Right after that comment left my lips, the look on her face got real serious. REAL SRS.

Very dryly, she replied, "we have a serial killer here". Stunned, the only thing I could muster was, "I'm sorry".

At first I thought she was pulling my chain; but her cold, hardened eyes told me she wasn't shitting me. She was just a young girl trying to stay alive.

Naturally I had to know more, as that's kind of a bold statement, especially for such a small town. Turns out, eight young women have been killed since 2005 - one or two a year. She went on to explain that the reason I saw so many cops along the highway is because the local law enforcement is getting some extra help from the FBI, and state troopers. That makes for a shitload of po in a town of just over 12,000.

It's sad that 8 young women have lost their lives. But that didn't stop me from ENJOYING THE SHIT OUT OF MY FIVE DOLLAR OVEN ROASTED CHICKEN BREAST FOOTLONG WITH EVERYTHING BUT GREEN PEPPERS AND JUST A LITTLE BIT OF LIGHT RANCH.

But seriously, after the lady told me about it, she mentioned that she thought "the serial killer is a cop". When probed as to why she would think that, I got a simple, yet profound answer: "dey ain't catch 'im yeh".

So because the cops haven't caught the bad guy yet, the bad guy must be a cop. That makes sense.

Not gonna lie though, for the remaining 15-20 minutes we spent in Jennings, everything was a little bit creepier. The shitty Subway bathroom had a more ominous vibe. The creepy rural weirdos at the gas station across the street, where I bought beer, seemed just a bit more rural. By the time we left, it sure felt good to escape with our lives.

Next stop: Baton Rouge.

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