Friday, May 7, 2010

ugly baby, haha

Sandra Bullock isn't doing so well lately. She found out, PUBLICLY, that her husband had an affair. Then that happened like 4 more times. PUBLICLY.

That sucks.

Then she had a baby. And that sucks too.

OK, she didn't really have a baby, as much as she adopted one.

But that still sucks.

Adopted/birthed from Sandra's Keanu Reeves blasted p00n, whatever, either way the baby is ugly as shit.

And what's fucked is that she picked out this baby.

She went to the baby market, and after browsing all the little shits, she pointed to the ugliest one, and said, "I want that ugly brown one, right there. Yeah that one with the jaundiced hue to it."

God that sucks. She picked out an ugly baby. I am just coming to grips with this. What on earth would possess you to do that?

I don't know, maybe her eyes don't work: "He's just perfect, I can't even describe him any other way," Bullock said, describing it.

Some people have ugly babies, obviously against their will. People get married, and hump like rabbits, with the hopes of creating a beautiful baby. Then sometimes they get saddled with the weight of having an abomination reborn. And then Sandra goes and mocks all those unlucky parents by CHOOSING an UGLY baby. Oh hey, I'm one of the most beautiful women in the world, and I could have procreated with my moderately handsome (former) husband. But I didn't. I chose to adopt an unfortunate looking mutant baby.

Not even all her wealth is going to make that little shit handsome. OK, maybe it will, but goddamn, that little thing has to face itself in the mirror every night. He look like da bogeyman, yo.

And what's worse? Its name is Louis. Yeah, Louis. Wonderful, way to adopt a gay baby.

I didn't invent anything as despicable as racism*, homophobia*, or anti-semitism*, nor their unsavory consequences; but I'm also not going to give this baby its third strike by raising it to be Jewish.

Sandra, you brought this on yourself.

*actually i think i did

1 comment:

TAMPA-ON said...

It's ugly babies that make beautiful adults.

I'm the exception to the rule. You must have been a good looking baby because if I had to describe you it would be "hairball vomit".

I'll save you the retort: "die".