Monday, May 10, 2010

speaking of ugly babies

Remember my post from Friday? No? Well scroll down, fagmo.

We covered the topic of ugly babies. Kind of a bummer, right? OK then, let's talk about cute babies today! I think the only non-food-related thing that people like more than cute babies - are cute kitties. Maybe cute puppies too. Yeah, definitely cute puppies.

To be a bit more specific, let's talk about friends that have cute babies.

A couple of my male friends have recently had baby boiz. Holler @ ur boi. Not just that, but in the last 2 or 3 years, it seems like my friends have only had sons. Out of probably 10 babies in that time span, the first daughter I've seen was blasted forth into the world just a couple weeks ago.

But OK great, so my friends are now the proud new owners of healthy baby boys.

That's wonderful. But at some point it's gonna be not so wonderful.

The obvious question is: at what point do they cease to be cute, and start to look too much like their fathers, to be called cute? I'm sure that as parents they love to hear how cute, handsome, adorable, etc. their new spawn is. However, there's going to come a time when instead of cooing over the little guy, you're going to be noting, "oh wow, little guy looks just like his daddy". And I don't think baby-daddy is cute. Great guy, good friend? Yeah. Cute? Nah dude.

It's like, I wonder if the dads ever wonder, "does he think I'm cute too?"

Would I say to my tall Tampa-based, full grown, adult friend, "oh hey nice haircut, looks really cute"?

NO

Would I compliment his new basketball shorts, "those shorts new? your ass looks really cute in them"?

JESUS CHRIST NO

I gotta think that, at some point, whether browsing pictures of the little guy, or him having just done something funny while you're over at their place - saying something like, "awww your son is so cute", has got to get awkward.

Could you imagine just hanging out with your buddy and his 10 year old son, watching the game, having a couple brewz, saying, "heh heh, your son is adorable"? Could you imagine that?

"My son looks just like me; you think I'm adorable too?", he yells.

"No No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it", you timidly reply.

"So you think my son is ugly? YOU THINK MY SON IS FUCKING UGLY?", he bellows from the bathroom, door open.

Think about the implications in the case of a daughter: "your daughter is so pretty"/"YOU WANT TO FUCK MY DAUGHTER YOU SON OF A BITCH? I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU". Yeah, think about that.

Obviously, in 15 years, you're not going to refer to your friend's full grown teenage boy as cute. In my tall friend from Tampa's case, maybe something like, "your son has really matured into a handsome, cross-dressing maniac". Who really knows though, it's so hard to predict the future.

Where do you draw the line?

2 comments:

Tampa-based, full grown, adult friend said...

You would reply timidly.

I know I should save this for Wednesday, but do you know what gets me pumped up?

Getting fucking awesome wedding invitations in the goddam mail.

That's right.

heck yeah, man said...

goddamn pottymouth over here