Thursday, May 27, 2010

the meltdown and the feud

This must have happened like 3 or 4 weeks ago. An innocent morning it was, just driving to work, seething with subdued cubicle* driven rage. Yeah, no biggie.

There comes a point when the 2 lane road merges into 1 lane. To clarify, the right lane ends, so errbody gots ta merge into the left lane. It's marked well in advance - there should be no confusion, no lane merging surprises. My guess would be that the bulk of the people that drive it, drive it every morning on their way to work.

So there I am, just chillin' in the left lane, following the car ahead of me, when this Saturn Vue comes creepin' up on my right. Like 200 feet left to merge. AND SHE'S SPEEDING UP. Never mind that there are a bunch of cars ahead of me, and like NO CARS BEHIND ME. Did she think she was going to blow by me and try to merge? With a bunch of other assholes up ahead?

She could have easily slowed down, and merged over behind me, but no, this SLUT is gonna try to merge in between me and the minivan ahead of me. I speed up to not let her in, as the lane is about to end. NOW THIS BITCH IS DRIVING ON THE SHOULDER. OF THE FUCKING ROAD.

It's like time stood still for the final 20 feet of her honking, and yelling at me, and me not letting her in. Finally in a moment of weakness, I relented...and let her in. Jesus Christ, she came about as close to hitting me as I've ever experienced in my life. What a psycho. I mean, I had my horn blaring the entire time, I was giving her the finger through my moonroof; this worthless cockpit knew I was there.

Peering into both her un-tinted windows, and rearview mirror, I see the violently shaking silhouette of a maniac. This bitch is having a full on meltdown/seizure/spazz attack. She's waving her hands; I can see her head freaking out, holy shit. She had her horn going, and I could practically hear her yelling over the horn, and both my radio and the growl of my V18 monster car engine.

Finally I give her a slow 'n deliberate finger-across-the-throat motion, and she chills the fuck out. But goddamn, shawtie was having a conniption.

Totally been seeing her almost every day now. She must work in the morning too. I was actually right next to her at the stoplight, and she looked like she might be hot. If you like psychotic hot chicks that think the world revolves around them.

Last time I saw her, I even waved. That went unacknowledged lol.

*I didn't work in a cubicle, pussies, I had huge, sweet corner office, with 2 huge, wall-size windows fuck yeah I'm a baller.

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