Friday, May 21, 2010

last day of work

Holy shit. Just a couple thoughts on my last day of work.

I've looked forward to this day since the day I started. OK, that's not entirely true. But the truth is, it's sort of bittersweet. I am lucky to have had this job, and I work with some great people. While sales was never a long term career goal, I love being awesome, I love crushing my coworkers in our sales goals. I also love making a shitload of money. Unfortunately, that will probably never happen again. But whatever, I am going to miss this place.

On a lighter note, I am never going to have to make a sales call again. Very few things are as degrading as cold calling. I guess having a mentally disabled dude smear his own shit all over your face would be pretty degrading though. Maybe smearing your own shit all over your own face would be pretty ridiculous too.

Come Monday, I'll get to sleep in, go on vacation, and just chill out. And probably nurse a brutal hangover from the Lost season finale on Sunday night.

It's funny, upon telling a couple people of my final day of work, they asked what I was going to do. Like I was going out guns ablazin', in a fiery blaze of glory. What kind of a lunatic do you think I am?! I'd like to think it would be fun to just freak out; but honestly, I'm just gonna work quietly until 5, pack up my crap, and head out. Then head to happy hour and get loaded.

I recently learned that somebody has been pilfering beverages from the cooler/refrigerator that is owned by the cafe/lunch restaurant in our building. Like, who would do that? I have seen one of our employees stealing tea from the cafe. No kidding, this bastard was stealing green tea packets. Multiple people have seen it. He now works from home, and has been ruled out as a suspect in the beverage stealing caper. I probably won't be there when the shit goes down - which sucks, cause I'd like to see that asshole get the chair.

It wouldn't be right to not end this with the following subject matter: I reserve the right to violently shit out the half digested pizza buffet I plan on having for lunch. This is my last chance to blast the shit out of that goddamn toilet. That same goddamn bathroom where that same son of a bitch never flushes the urinal. I was half tempted to put on a pair of rubber gloves, grab that wayward pube that always seems to sit at the lip of the urinal, get it DNA tested, and track down the filthy animal who it belongs to.

And this is totally unrelated to my last day at work, but sometimes I feel like I'm the only goddamn person in this world that has any goddamn common sense.

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