Wednesday, May 5, 2010

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: CODE RED

First things first: I had a post scheduled for Monday, but since I was on vacation, I didn't check to see if it got posted; and honestly, I was too loaded to even think about using a computer. This does not include the time I drunkenly stepped on Heckyeahwoman's laptop on Saturday night (possibly more about that later).

So a huge PUMP goes out to being on vacation, being loaded, getting tan on the beach, and being loaded on the beach. Huge UNPUMP goes out to MY GODDAMN FUCKING BLOG NOT GODDAMN POSTING FUCK.

Also, I was totally going to type something up for Tuesday, but again, due to being on vacation/loaded, I didn't even think about touching a computer. Heh, sorry man.

Whatever, today is HUMP DAY, don't cry over spilled milk/missed PUMPS.

Most of you know that I enjoy exercising, and I get PUMPED UP whenever people I know get a little exercise.

You can imagine my unchagrin as I unfurl this story of getting PUMPED, getting exercise, crash dieting, and important family decisions being made without the input of all members of said family, in the shadow of impending nuptials. What? Just read, you fucking toads.

GD, this must have been a week and a half ago when I got home from the gym - brought my gym bag into the spare bedroom, and what the FUCK is this thing:




















An exercise ball? Sitting randomly in our apartment? I don't know! But I like it!

Is this Heckyeahwoman's idea of purchasing new furniture? Are we finally getting rid of that goddamn love seat? I can't even remember the last time it was used for lovin'. Wait, yeah I can. It was awesome.

Naturally, she sees my excitement, and let's me know she purchased this, from woot:




















PUMP YEAH, Heckyeahwoman actually bought that shit from woot! It's just an exercise program on a couple different DVDs, and of course the accompanying equipment. Little did I know that she'd been doing it for a couple days now! HOLY SHIT AWESOME!

I got so PUMPED UP that my first instinct was to go back to the gym and hit it furiously. But then she reminded me that SHE BROUGHT THE GYM HOME. Heck yeah, we busted out the ball, and the cords n shit, and did a little impromptu jam/exercise sesh. Cr00sh, bruh.

BUT THAT'S NOT THE BEST PART.

THIS IS THE BEST PART:















What you're looking at is the BONUS (read: BONER) DVD, Hollywood CODE RED. It's a "6 day rapid-fire weight loss" program. It's got a meal plan and a workout video, to get you PUMPED. Actually, to get you the opposite of PUMPED - SHRUNK UP. But still, PUMPED. Anyway, it's just a crash diet thing, with a complementary workout deal thing.

Funny thing is, as we were browsing the meal plan, I didn't see anything that said, "beer", "whiskey", "titties in my face", "5-star", or "burritos". That sucks dude, it must not take weekends (Wednesday night - Monday) into consideration.

Whatever, we're starting today - to kick off HUMP DAY PUMP UP properly. Think about this, gluttons: while you're getting PUMPED UP and not crash dieting, We're gonna be getting PUMPED UP, and crashing the shit outta our diets.

Don't worry, I will be documenting this 6 day journey, and posting about it here. Please keep our collective PUMPS in your prayers, pussybeats.

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