Friday, April 23, 2010

that weird relative on facebook

These days it seems that everybody is on facebook. I'm on it, my mom is on it, my brother, cousins, everybody. With the easing of privacy settings making an abundance of personal information more and more accessible, to more and more people, the debate about not just who you should "friend", but what information you should even have online, rages on.

Should you friend members of your family?

Your professors?

Your coworkers?

Your boss?

It all depends on what you have to hide within your online profile.

For example, take me - I just browsed my profile before typing this, and don't really have anything to hide. There are no pictures of me puking off the Hilton's 22nd floor balcony in Fort Lauderdale. There are no pictures of me grabbing your mom's huge fake boobs again. There are no incriminating action shots of me engaging in what will soon become Bum Fights 23 (anymore). Nothing I would be embarrassed about if any of the above people had an all access pass to my profile.

Yeah, there are hundreds of status updates pimping my blog, but if anybody takes issue with this stupid blog, then I can't imagine it would be a person/job I'd need to have in my life.

Yo, my profile'd is'd private'd to the max'd, but if it weren't, what's the worst thing you'd see? Probably that I have a hot fiance. And that I love Maroon 5. And CSI: Miami. And biking furiously. A little reserved.

And that's not me at all.

People are used to me taking it over the line, or a step too far. That's way more how I roll. That proclivity towards being out of line has got to seep into my facebooking, right?

Let's see.

The weekend's coming up, the weather's gettin' warmer, and more people are taking a long weekend. And you know what they do?

Like attention-hungry WHORES, they post about it on facebook.

So uh, I recently read someone's post about having a 3 day weekend, or having 5 days off in a row - and realizing that I have to work all week, I got immediately, violently pissed. Like fucking 1-800-RAGE.

Just the other day, I saw a random family member post something about not having to work until neckst Tuesday. AND IT WAS WEDNESDAY.

Without even thinking I started commenting: "that's awesome, i'm jealous! i'm so rock hard right now".

Why would I tell my cousin that I'm rock hard? So creepy.

So much for being totally reserved on facebook. Yeah, you may not be able to directly access my comments from my profile; but presumably, I would have mutual friends with my family, my coworkers, and other people.

Imagine their surprise when they just happen to be checking out a mutual friend's page and they see me commenting about how I'm going to stab my uncle with a frozen turd.

Or how I'm going to crap on my mom's front lawn.

So yeah, that weird relative on facebook - I guess that's me now.

4 comments:

Chicken Wing Bowtie said...

Hahaha. I am 1-800-RAGE.

I hate you.

And I hate the goddam word verification thing below when I post a goddam comment!

heck yeah, man said...

eat shit, homo

Chicken Wing Bowtie said...

ha! clever, but you would say that.

Buck Reagle said...

how do you go about creating a frozen shank type turd?