Tuesday, April 27, 2010

oh to be a kid again

Nothing major to report today, just a couple dumb happenings from my childhood - that I thought were worth mentioning.

Gotta warn you though: take this with a grain of salt. Think of all the things you believed when you were a kid. You probably believed in Santa Clause; who knows, you probably still do. Maybe you thought the bogeyman was under your bed, or in your closet. Or maybe you lived in paralyzing fear that every day at 7:30 your dad would come home in a drunken stupor and beat you till you bled.

Me? Surely I must have had some stupid thoughts populating my brain, right? You bet I did.

I really thought that...no, I really believed...no, I was convinced that I had 3 balls. Not sure why, but i swore that I had 3 balls (fyi - most men have have 2 balls).

I don't know why I remember this, but when I first divulged this delightful news to my family, I was in my dad's jeep with him and my brother. Riding in the backseat, with my brother riding shotgun, and my dad driving us home from somewhere, I proceeded to share this revelation.

"Dad, I think I have 3 balls", I announced.

"What's that?", he asked.

"I think I have 3 balls", I replied.

"Do you have 3 balls?", he inquired, semi-worried.

Having just learned a couple days ago not to answer a question with a question, I asked, "I don't know, but shouldn't I?"

"You should have both the balls you were born with", he said.

"I don't know dad; I really think I should have 3 balls. You don't think I'm going to grow another one?", as the conversation goes around in circles.

"Ask your mother", as he ended the conversation.

I wonder what my little brother was thinking.

Something else, totally not related to having 3 balls, but I thought that all cats were female, and all dogs were male.

And to further blow your mind, I thought feline meant dog.


Dus said...

So what happened? How does it end? DId you eventually get the THIRD BALL?!?!

I guess I should already know this, as I've tongued yer ballz multiple times. I can't seem to remember.

Also, I believed the she-cat he-dog thing too.

Tampa said...

Three balls to go with your third nipple on your ear. Awesome!

Great post though - having just met your dad - the conversation was priceless!

Now go massage all your balls and leave us the fuck alone!