Thursday, March 25, 2010

the wedding regsitry

Trying to figure out our wedding registry has been brutal. We already have tons of shit, and I don't know how much more we're gonna need.

I thought I'd take the reins on this one, step up, put some time into this, and prove to Heckyeahwoman that I can be the man she needs me to be.

So I added a couple items. Nothing too crazy, just a couple things I think would be fun for us to have. Something that would be a great splurge kind of gift. Obviously, as a dude with a functioning weiner, my first thought was fake tits. Then I looked over at Heckyeahwoman, and realized that yeah, we def don't need that. Heckyeahwoman, would.

After a couple seconds of reflection, I decided that it would be fun to have a motorcycle - so I added a sweet, reasonably priced motorbike to the registry. I get it - it's pretty expensive, but c'mon, we got like a hundred guests; somebody'z gotta throw down some loot.

I enjoy cleaning, I really do. But how much more awesome would it be if we had the services of a sexy maid, already paid in full, for an entire year?!?!? Yeah, it would be sweet. Taking care of our cooking and cleaning, she would provide us extra time to relax, and to enjoy being newlyweds. This is for us.

What about a shitload of awesome guns? I'm going to be the husband. I'm supposed to protect my wife. How would I do that if I didn't have excessive firepower? Exactly. Let me keep you safe, gurl. Also, I want to walk around downtown with machine gunz.

Hey, I'm not that much of a dick, I thought of something she could use...after a year of the maid cooking for us, Heckyeahwoman can bust out this state-of-the-art food processor! Heck yeah, lets process some foods. Lol, she made it easy for me by telling me she wanted one.

Upon seeing my updated registry work, Heckyeahwoman thought my efforts were less than stellar.

Quite less, actually.

Wah? You're not in love with the idea of us receiving a bad ass motorcycle for a wedding gift? How can you not be so stoked to fire all those awesome weapons?! Remember last time we went to the shooting range, and you were blasting bullseyes like woah? Heck yeah you do. Ok ok, you're right, the sexy maid is a bit over the top, we can skip that one.

She was pretty adamant that we didn't need any of that stuff, besides the food processor.

Lucky for me, I had to put things in perspective for her: "well, we can either have somebody else buy these things for us, with no cost at all to us, or I can just go buy them all right now, with the money I've saved up for our wedding & honeymoon. Your choice".

And just like that, she made her choice.

Motorcycle will be here by Saturday, I'll have the guns in a week after the mandatory FL waiting period/background check; and I'm chowin' down on some tasty olive tapenade that Heckyeahwoman made with her sweet new food processor.


Dus said...

Oh great, you freegin' bought the guns already? How that fuck am I supposed to return this AK? It's not like the mexican pawn shop down the street is just going to ask for a receipt with a smile and gladly give me my money back. Shit, I had to go into a creepy basement with Jose and perform unmentionable acts just to get this hot killing machine. And I do mean hot. I think it was stolen from a drug Cartel.

Thanks a lot. Looks like you'll be getting shitty bath towels after all.

Tampa said...

Dang. And I was gonna get you the french maid - slightly used...okay VERY used french maid too.

Exclnt post dude

heck yeah, man said...


Cristofer Paul said...

You can gift good things rather than gifting guns. You can find really good gift registry services like which can provide you the ideas. I did the same at my wedding