Friday, March 12, 2010

my shit list

You know, over the last 10 years of my life, I've really come across some shitty businesses. Businesses that I will never give my money to, no matter what kind of product they offer. Most of the time it stems from shitty customer service, a shitty product, or a combination of both.

Either way, I've had some horrible experiences.

Being in sales, I'm the one in contact with customers: the disgruntled ones, like myself. I deal with business owners every day. Often times, I deal with the absolute worst of the worst, the lowest of the low. Real pieces of shit that don't belong in this world. Truly the dredges of society. That's not to say that I don't deal with some fair, and reasonable people every once in a while, because I do.

For a while, I've wanted to a do a "SHIT LIST". Just a simple list of all the assholes who have been just that, assholes. I'm not talking about some jerk that won't buy from me; I'm talking about some jerk who is a real prick about it. The son of a bitch that not only doesn't buy from me, but rubs it in my face. I don't mean a random bartender dude who skips over my business once or twice to serve the hot slores down the bar a bit. I'm talking about the hipster shitheads at the local bar, The Top. It's like pulling teeth to get a drink in that place.

Funny story, a couple years ago on New Year's Eve, we were there, at The Top. And of course I couldn't get a drink. So I yelled at the bartender, "HEY GARGOYLE, CAN I GET THEM DRINKS WHILE I'M STILL YOUNG!?" and my friend, obviously worried about my well-being, cautions me: "omg, you can't talk to the bartenders like that, you'll get thrown out!".

Eyeballing the hipster bartenders, I inquire, "by who?". lol.

Anyway, what I'm talking about here are the businesses that have tried their best to fuck me over. A business like Sprint. Many people have had good experiences with them. I however, have not. With the exception of my main, meatiest friend (and 3 co-workers of his choosing), I hope everybody that works for Sprint, in any capacity, dies.

One time, when I just signed up with sprint, I got a sweet brand new camera-phone. Remember those? It was awesome, I just got my phone activated, and I was about to call Heckyeahwoman to tell her how awesome I/my camera-phone am/is. But I got a text message. A seemingly random text message. It was the kind of phone where when you get one, it automatically pops up, and opens it (the text message), charging you ten cents for each one. The text was from some dude inquiring about what was going on tonight.

Not recognizing the number, I text back, "who is this?" Not expecting the reply I was about to get, I was stunned when I got it: "yo hit me back *n-word*, where u at 2nite?".

What?

Then another text came. And another. And another. This went on for 2 days before I went in to get my number changed. We decided I must have gotten a rather popular person's previous number, when they switched carriers or something. Whatever, I got a new number, and the problem was solved.

Until I got my bill. I got charged for 550+ text messages. 500. Five hundred and fifty. Plus. I explained the situation, and they were adamant about charging me for each one, because my phone automatically opened them. "If you didn't know who was sending it, why would you open it?", they asked. "Uh, the fucking phone does it automatically".

I actually had to have my dad call and get it taken care of for me. Thanks dad! Fuck you Sprint! And no, this wasn't the time I asked the dipshit guido dickhead what time he gets off work, so I could explain to him with my baseball bat, how customer service works. Nah, this wasn't the time I got escorted out of the Sprint store. I can tell you about that time later.

But it's not just Sprint; it's also LG, the electronics-maker. I got one of their phones a year and a half ago, and thought it was sweet. Until the screen died, like a month after I got it. Whatever, bad luck. I took it into a SPRINT store, and the asshole is all like, "oh yeah yeah, we'll fix that no problem, here let me take a look at it".

Being so pumped, I gave him the phone, and after about 30 seconds of looking at it, he hands it back with a frown, "yeah, you're gonna need to send that in".

YOU DIPSHIT.

So I sent it in, and like 2 weeks later, I had a fixed phone. Sweet. They were nice enough to cover it under warranty. Wait, nice enough? The phone was a month and a half old lol. IT SHAN'T NEED TO BE FIXED!

Fast forward a year, now the phone keeps turning off. Put it in my pocket, it turns off. Pull it out of my pocket, it turns off. Set it on the table, it turns off. Try to make a call, it turns off. Get a call, it turns off. Look at it, it turns off. Turn it on, it turns off. To be fair, the combination of my short temper and its rage, directed at the phone when it acts up, probably isn't much help lol.

Maybe I should put myself on my own shitlist, right next to Sprint.

Speaking of SHITlist, I totally wanted to post a little bit about the amazing dump I took yesterday, but after the barrage of poop posts from a week or two, I decided that it can chill for a bit. But seriously, it was an explosion for the ages.

1 comment:

Fuck You Tampa said...

Great rant!

Fuck the TOP and Fuck Sprint.

Fuck you too, but not like those other pieces of shit. Fuck you in a funny sort of way fucker.