Thursday, March 11, 2010

is this a conundrum?

What a great word, eh?

Oh, which word?

Which word do you think, dumbass?

Some of you may have already realized my affinity for reading Dear Prudie, a weekly advice column on...*gulp*...msn.com. Some of you may even know that I dabble in giving advice from time to time.

With that said, I was reading a question that a reader in Maine wrote in, to Dear Prudie. It was a man, which is strange; because it seems that the majority of the people that write in with questions are women. Hot, sexy, single sluts, that are DTF. That's probably not true, but a neat idea possibly worth exploring later.

Anyway, the man wrote about how much he loved his wife of 15 years, but after a couple kids, she's not the same beautiful woman he fell in love with. Clearly, I didn't have to read anymore to know where he was getting: his once hot wife got fat.

Naturally, after finishing the submission, my suspicions were confirmed: she hasn't been able to lose the baby weight, and cries about not having enough time to exercise. He also noted that she whines about weighing too much. Fair enough, the first step is admitting you have a problem, right? Kudos, fatty. But doing something about the problem is where most lose it.

I could go in a couple different directions here; however, I'll spare you my much-expected ranting about fat people. But there are some things that need to be touched on.

First thing I thought was, WHAT THE FUCK, YOU DIDN'T GET A CONTRACT BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED? You have no legal recourse to ditch your tubby wife now. Smooth move, dumbass.

That's not the point of this post though. He took a couple sentences to talk about his failures in suggesting she get some exercise, and wondered how to do it more tactfully. Hats off to him - he tried. My take on this: if she can't read between the lines, and infer that you're telling her she needs to get hot again, then she's probably too dumb to notice that you're banging that slore at the gym that's just beggin' for it.

Still not totally the point of this post.

It's like, he'd been lightly suggesting she get some exercise for a while now. You know, before she reaches the tipping point. And you'll know when she's at that tipping point - it's that point where she admits that she needs to start a diet, start going to the gym more than once a week, start doing something about it, start blah blah blah. Yeah, she may have been saying that for a while now, but the tipping point is where you can really hear it in her voice.

You can really hear that cholesterol soaked voice from deep within her loins, crying for help.

And there lies the rub: "Hey, do you want to come to the gym with me, I'd love to take one of those zumba classes with you (lol no I don't, but I will)" vs "Well I've been trying to get you to get some exercise for the last 6 months, and now look at you".

That's the conundrum: "telling your spouse not to get fat...by getting some exercise" vs "telling her she is now fat... because of not exercising".

Can you just taste how sweet that double deep fried, bacon-crusted "i told you so" would taste?

Lol, sucks to be that dude.

1 comment:

Tampa said...

Are you saying I'm fat? Does this post make me look fat?