Wednesday, March 17, 2010

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: OTHER PEOPLE FAILING

NON STOP PARTY TIME UP IN DIS BIT, MUH. CHYEAH TODAY WE BRANGIN' U SUMMA DAT SPIT ON DA FAILURE TIP.

Yo, errbody knows it sucks to fail. 'N errbody know it's funny when other people fail. In ways that cause no harm to animals.

Put aside the fact that your life has been one colossal failure after another. Forget that your week has been 2 days of nonstop failing, only to be punctuated by 2 more days of nonstop failing. But look on the bright side - today is Wednesday - HUMP DAY. For one day, today, you won't fuck up. Well you probably will, but it won't be as bad.

You will, however, share a chuckle with me, as other people fuck up.

YEAH I BOUGHT A SWEET GUITAR AND NOW IMA SHRED THIS THANG RIGHT UP CHYEAH



Possibly (read: definitely) the worst 41 seconds of guitar playing every laid to a professional tape. Keep in mind, that clip was from the music video. That millions of people have seen. And it was done with a straight face.

None of us will ever play the guitar that poorly. Ever. Oh you've never played the guitar before? Something tells me you'll still be able to play a better solo than that, even if by just chillin' out on open E for 41 seconds.

Here's another fail for you. I'm going to post the picture, and you see if you can tell where the fail(s) is/are.





Go ahead, click the picture, so you can take it all in.














I wasn't going to point it out, but that's like a poor man's cleavage. Like, if you're not hot at all, and you're going to be showin' off some cleave, you better have the best fake tits Donald Trump can buy. Or a really sweet push-up bra. What you're seeing here is the archetypal frumpy chick cleavage: it's there, very underwhelming, if not off-putting, and certainly not awesome.

Whatever, boobs are boobs, cleavage is cleavage; just be glad you're not dating that slore lol. Cleavage appreesh PUMP!

Also, abusing that poor dog PUMP!

On to the next failure!















Wait, there's no failure here! How can you fail if you're sleeping in a hamburger?!?!? You can't!

Though I've never done it before, sleeping in a hamburger PUMPS ME UP! Look at that attention to detail - the cheese foam(?) thing, the the burger mattress, and the lettuce sheet. Pure genius. I see a little red tomato thing sticking out, probably a pillow or something. Just the mere thought of spending a night in that heavenly burger-bed PUMPS ME UP!

Last PUMP here, to get you back to the roots of HUMP DAY PUMP UP - the origins, if you will. See, it all started with me working. The work week is so long and brutal, I needed something to occupy my time. So I started this blog. Then I needed something to help us collectively get through the work week - enter HUMP DAY PUMP UP.

As such, this last video takes place in a business setting, in a conference room, at a meeting. And for those of you not suffering through a 9-5 jobbie - FYI, this kind of stuff happens ON THE REGULAR, no doubt.



Something fun finally happening in a meeting PUMP ME UP PRAISE THE PUMP GODS HALLELUJAH AMEN.

See, your life isn't so bad, some people have it much worse. Keep that in mind as you sputter through the rest of the week. Cause yeah, the last couple days sucked; and yeah, the next couple days are probably gonna suck too. But at least we have HUMP DAY. We'll always have HUMP DAY.

Get PUMPED

2 comments:

TAMP-PUIMPEDTHEFUCKUP-A said...

That last video is what I do to myself when I end up correcting a mistake. Man I tell you, it certainly makes you take notice of everything you do!

Dus said...

Holy lol, I was expecting some shitty guitar playin from lil weezy, but MY GOD, that was like my sister pickin up an axe and shreddin. And she's pregnant. And doesn't know how to play the guitar.

What stupid fuck green lighted that idea? That was absolutely horrible! And it was even playing the guitar, it was more like stupidly dragging a thumb across the strings like stupid people who don't play guitar do. Ugh.

Anyway, PUMP!