Tuesday, March 9, 2010

god is nature

There are some crazy bastards traveling along US 441 between Alachua and Gainesville.

Take this most recent asshole, for example. He had a bumper sticker, not bumper stickers like this, but a different type of bumper sticker.

A much simpler bumper sticker.

A simply stated belief, "God is Nature".

Behold, a revelation. God is nature. So should I capitalize the "n" ("N"?) in Nature?

It wasn't just any revelation; no, it was such an important revelation he wanted to put it on his car, for all to see. That's great that you think that GOD IS NATURE. But aren't there better ideas to be sharing? What about like hugging a homeless person, or neutering your cat, or something. It's hard to argue with hugging a homeless person, or neutering your cat.

I get it dude, God is Nature. I can almost get behind that idea. If I had to believe in God, I would think nature would be as plausible an option as any. In fact, 4 out of 5 scientists agree that Nature would make a pretty cool God.

But I don't know, the God in the bible seems pretty awesome though. Always loving everybody and forgiving motherfuckers n shit. But then your friend Fred Phelps told me that God hates fags. And I'm all like, "aw God, man, whaddya got against fags, man? C'mon bro, don't even call 'em fags."

That's not very loving, but I guess hating stuff is cool.

But for my money yo, God is Mexican. No doubt. I can't think of a type of food I'd rather eat more often. Whoever invented tacos and burritos and nachos and chalupas and perros and stuff, that's some godly type shit right there. God is Mexican as fuck, I guarantee it.

And right there we have our TUESDAY EVENING PRE PUMP CAUSE I'M EATING TACOS TONIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS. That's right, Berri and Spawn* are hosting the weekly Lost party tonight, and rumor is, THEY'RE MAKING TACOS.

I FUCKING LOVE TACOS. I might call in sick to work tomorrow cause I'm so excited. Unfortunately, Heckyeahwoman has never loved, LOVED, Mexican food like me.

Alternate possibilities for the identity of GOD: a really tasty buffalo wing, an open E palm-muted chord, boobs/vaginas, Danzig.

*names changed

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