Monday, February 8, 2010

random heck yeah: whole foods

We ended last week with random fuck you. It's only appropriate to start this week with a random heck yeah. I would have done a random fuck yeah; but I really don't like cursing in the title of my blog - so I try to keep it to a minimum.

But yo, I gots no qualms about cursing up a fukken storm in the post itself.

Why the random heck yeah for Whole Foods? I don't know, I've never set foot in one. I don't even know if we have one here in Gainesville.

But I recently read something that they did for their employees; and I thought it was awesome.


They recently upped their employee discount from 20% off, to up to 30% off. Pretty awesome, eh? Goddamn right it is.

But there's a catch! There's always a catch!

You just can't be a fat tub of shit. And you can't be sucking on cancer sticks every 5 minutes.

So Whole Foods wants its employees to be healthier? They want to reward those that are healthy, and those that get healthy? Well that's pretty awesome.

Now of course, for every awesome thing that happens, somebody is usually gonna piss and moan, & cry about it. Here, some bitch from Jezebel, Anna North cries:

If your BMI is above 30, you'll get to keep the original 20% employee discount, but you'll be paying more than your thinner co-workers, who can knock as much as 30% off. Because if public health research has taught us anything, it's that reducing people's buying power totally makes them healthier. Stay Classy, Whole Foods.

Not sure how giving someone a 20% discount is reducing their buying power. Funny, I thought it was INCREASING their buying power.

And you guessed it, people are crying discrimination, and that it's punishing fat people. LOLOLOL. Someone also cried that BMI isn't a very good indicator of a person's health. It's not perfect but what do they expect - a subjective physical analysis of the tub of shit in question?

Do you want me to eyeball every employee and decide if they're a fat fuck or not? Cause I can do that, but I have a hunch that a lot more feelings would be hurt than if the BMI method was used.

Here check out what this dipshit has to say on it:

One of them, University of Colorado law professor Paul Campos, wrote at Lawyers, Guns and Money, “Even if one decides to enter John Mackey's Epidemiological Fantasyland, where good health is achieved by purchasing $27-a-pound Ahi tuna in order to achieve Optimal Thinness, how much sense does it make to make it more expensive for your non-thin employees to purchase said tuna?”

Lol, asshole, I read your little sentence, and I don't know if that's a slippery slope, a bait and switch, or whatever the fuck you call it, but I'm gonna politely ask you to STOP MAKIN' SHIT UP. Maybe less time with the butthurtedness, and more time teaching law. Actually, just spend more time plotting your suicide.

Jillian Lovejoy Lowery said, "...and that even smokers might like to purchase their avocados at a greater discount”.

She must have meant for a greater discount to make it easier to afford those $5 packs of cigarettes. Maybe it's discrimination that the cigarettes aren't sold at a discount! lol.

Maybe I'm missing something, but nobody made you smoke, nobody made you fat - whatever happened to people taking a little responsibility for not being a fat waste of cancerous shitfuck?

Whole Foods, heck ye-no, FUCK YEAH.

Do you want to be featured in a RANDOM HECK YEAH? It's easy! Just email me at, any story of you discriminating against fat fucks or smokers. Well, actually you discriminating against anyone would be awesome.

1 comment:

Tampa Dude said...

Good shit today HYM - well actually I'm reading this Wednesday because I was out Monday and well I'm not logging onto your site on my own dime - no way - nuh-uh.

Anywho - BMI is kinda bullshit because I worked my ass off and lost 50 pounds and that shit said I was obese. The only thing obese is my dong.