Hey I hope everybody had a great weekend. I did.
Went for bike rides both days, as the weather was beautiful. It was great. Saturday, for some reason, I could just not get going. My legs were burning without even hardly moving at all. Somehow, I managed to make great time. Well, great time for my first time out in a couple months.
It was crazy, just biking along, I came upon some white shit in the grass up ahead.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT WHITE SHIT ON MY TRAIL?
Finally approaching it, I make out 2 little styrofoam bowls, and a piece of paper tacked to a tree.
WHO THE FUCK WOULD LITTER ON MY GODDAMN TRAIL?
After I was done jumping to conclusions, I got close enough to read the note on the paper, and what do I spy out of the corner of my all-seeing eye? I see two (2) fucking cats. Kitty cats!
There was only one (1) thing for me to do - I had to pet them. They had to be petted. The first one was curious, but a little skittish, and didn't want to be petted on.
So I told it to FUCK OFF and moved on to the other one. He or she really wanted to get scratched - it was rubbing its head all over my hands and purring like crazy. In fact, it was purring so loud, I had to tell it to shut the fuck up a little, as it was purring so loud I couldn't even think about how awesome I am.
Oh yeah, the piece of paper on the tree was actually a note informing all who would read, that the kitties had actually been abandoned, and the bowls were there to for people to leave food. Nice gesture. Of course I got home and told heckyeahwoman about this, so she told me I was going tomorrow, and bringing cat food with me.
Sunday, I went with my friend, *****, we tore that shit up, bruh. Imagine, two (2) lighting bolts blasting through the trail, and also your girlfriend. That's how we roll, mf'ers.
Sure enough, on the way out, I had my little bike pouch-sack thing stuffed with a bag of cat food. Usually I put my keys and cellphone in there, but not today, friendos.
I remembered about where the cats were, so once we got close, I kept my eyeballs peeled. Lol, imagine having your eyeballs literally peeled. Anyway, we were approaching the area, and without telling my friend, I just pulled over to the side to drop off the food. Lol, what a dick. My friend kept rolling by haha.
No biggie, I just filled those bowls up so furiously and told those goddamn cats to eat it. And actually, somebody had already put some food in there for them. I felt kind of bad, maybe I should be donating that cat food to the assholes in Haiti.
Whatever, a couple nice days, and a couple nice bike rides.
One more thing, I don't remember where I got this from, but I got it, and that's the important part.
"Without God, our week would be: Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday, Shatterday, Seven days without God - Makes one Weak!"
Let's take a look at each one and see if it passes or fails.
Sinday - Lol. It's the sabbath, how can you sin on the sabbath!?!?! Sinning is so last year, pussies. FAIL
Mournday - Actually, with or without god, this is an appropriate name. Of course, we're mourning the end of the weekend, in addition to the beginning of the work week. PASS
Tearsday - Another great name. I shed tears on Tuesday for two (2) reasons - 1) because I have 4 more grueling days of work left; and 2) I'm so happy that the first day of the work week is done. PASS
Wasteday - I'm torn here. Yeah it's a waste because I've already spent half of my week at work. And that sucks. But on the other hand, it's also HUMP DAY (PUMP UP), and that PUMPS ME UP. Only a fool would waste a HUMP DAY. This one resides in PURGATORY
Thirstday - Dude, it's Thursday, I'm thirsty; and I'm gonna get TORE UP. PASS FUCK YEAH
Fightday - Whatever weirdos that wrote this are on a roll. Fuck yeah, I'll be FIGHTING that brutal hangover from Thirstday, and then I'm gonna get home, get loaded, eat dinner, and FIGHT the urge to not GO TO THE BAR AND GET SO DRUNaww, who am I kidding, I'm going to have a nice night in, with heckyeahwoman. PASS
Shatterday - You know exactly where I'm going with this. I'M GOING TO GET TORE UP ALL DAY, EAT SHITTY FRIED FOOD LIKE CRAZY, AND UNLEASH THE MOST HAZARDOUS TURD EVER THAT'S GOING TO JUST SHATTER SOMEONE'S TERLET. PASS.
Overall, whoever wrote this, you were pretty much spot on. Thanks weirdos!