Tuesday, January 19, 2010

from the depths of my forehead

Wow. I don't even know where to begin here.

Most of you know that we had our engagement photo shoot scheduled for this weekend, Sunday afternoon sometime. True story. It happened, and it was a lot less awkward than I thought it was going to be. For the most part, aside from a little wind, the weather was pretty great.

The photographers were very chilled out, and we got a bunch of great shots, at a bunch of great locations. Personally, if it were up to me, I would skip the whole goddamn thing; but it came for "free" as part of our photography package for the wedding.

So we did it.

I got a haircut on Saturday, so I'd look smooth as shit on Sunday. Interesting little fun fact here, before I got my haircut, my hair was actually the longest it had ever been. That's right, my bangs actually came down past my eyes a little. All throughout my childhood, I had wanted to grow my hair long, but my parents would never let me.

So I grew it long now. Well, not that long, but still. Fuck yeah, I'm 28 years old and still rebelling against my parents.

Yeah so anyway, back in time - I get up Thursday morning, and what the fuck do I find?

A BIG ASS MOTHERFUCKIN ZIT ON MY GODDAMN FOREHEAD.

Whatever, I'll be gentle, I won't pop it, it won't scab (not our ferret) over like woah; and I can just use some cover-up for the photo shoot. No big deal.

That lasted for about 8 hours, cause when I got home from work on Thursday night, I headed right for the bathroom.

To pop the shit out of that thing.

It's horrible, I have no patience. And I love popping big ass zits. And squirting puss all over the mirror. Though it's not as fun as it used to be; because I don't have my mom yelling at me for squirting puss all over her mirrors anymore.

So of course I tried to pop it, but it wasn't ready, and after it finally stopped leaking, I was just left with a monstrous scab (again, not our ferret) on my forehead.

Check the photograph below - you can see I'm a pretty good looking guy.















But when you throw a huge, golf ball-sized fleshy, moist, reddened cyst-superzit into the mix, good-looking turns into wtf.
















Sweet.

So we wound up going to the bar on Friday night, as one of our friends was in town (thank you, *****, for reading my blog! preesh!). Man, it was awesome being at the bar with the biggest goddamn zit the world has ever known. It was even awesomer when one of my friends blurts out, "what the hell happened to that zit on your forehead?!?!?"

It was really awesome, once one dude noticed, and said something, everybody else noticed.

And said something.

The cool thing was, there were probably 15 people in our group out that night.

Within seconds, like a swarm of killer beez, I had like 8 chicks surrounding me, telling me how to get rid of this goddamned thing. It's funny, you know how when you talk to somebody, you usually look them in the eyes? Well now people were looking me in my third eye - the zit.

What little I could make out from everybody yelling pimple-care instructions at me, I picked up that toothpaste will work well to dry it out.








Jesus Christ, I'm supposed to put toothpaste on my head?

So we got home, and when it was time for bed, I washed my face, and applied a liberal dose of toofpaste to the "issue". Felt like an asshole, for sure. Woke up the next morning, and this shit was dried the FO out.

By the time the photo shoot rolled around, yo, ur boi was ready to git it poppin' whats up.

No comments: