Tuesday, December 8, 2009

sorry, i gotta weigh in on tiger woods

Not sure if you know what's going on with this, but I guess Tiger Woods has been cheating on his wife with a bunch of like waitresses, aspiring actresses, and bartenders.

Just so we're all on the same page here, this is what his wife looks like:





















Most people are crying about "holy shit his wife is so hot, how could he cheat on her?!?!?!"

No shit she's hot as balls, and you'd probably ptf her. But look at the other chicks he's banged.

All of them are hot as balls too. And you'd probably ptf each one of them as well.

Of course, the next thing on most peoples' minds is the settlement. What if they get a divorce, and he has to pay her a shitload of money?

Well I would hope he had a prenup to protect his assets. And if he didn't, what would happen?

He's worth about $500 million, just from a quick google search.

With that in mind, what's the worst that could happen? Could we assume he may have to give up half of everything he has? I think that's reasonable.

So he's left with $250 million and whatever else he's going to make in the future. Hint: I think it's going to be shit-ton. He'll be fine.

Oh it could get worse - he has to give her three quarters of everything. Do you know what three quarters of $500 million is? I don't have my calculator with me, but I can take a rough estimate:

THREE QUARTERS OF FIVE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS IS ENOUGH FUCKING MONEY TO HAVE AN AWESOME LIFE.

But what about their kid? Who cares, he has enough money to stick that little shit in day care, or else he can let her have it.

Who came out ahead here?

Tiger woods.

Why? WELL, HE'S STILL TIGER WOODS; HE BANGED A LOT OF FUCKING HOT CHICKS AND HIS LIFE STILL RULES. AND HE'S LOADED. AND HE'LL CONTINUE TO BANG A BUNCH OF OTHER HOT CHICKS.

And most importantly, he won't have his kid hanging around, cockblocking the shit out of him.

Tiger Woods, this Bud's for you.

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