Monday, December 28, 2009

MAN UP MONDAY: a warning

A couple weeks ago, my good friend presented an awesome idea to me:

MAN UP MONDAY

Upon reading through his proposal, I was impressed (****, very nice job on the formal proposal, by the way. The powerpoint was great, the report was fantastic, the sheep were a nice touch, and just an A+ job all around). He had something magical here; and it's my job to capitalize on this.

It's no secret that every Monday sucks. It's no secret that the workweek sucks. It's no secret that waking up at 6:19 on Monday morning is one of the worst feelings ever. Fuck, I even hate my beloved Sunday nights, because of what immediately follows - the next morning.

But you know what?

Yeah, I hate Monday mornings as much as the next person; but you won't ever hear me cry about it any more than a lame, cliched joke to a coworker.

Why?

Because I'm not a fucking pussy, that's why.

You know who we will hear cry about it, though?

Many facebook users.

Starting today (or, as you'll soon read, starting soon), for MAN UP MONDAY, I am going to think about the last good tear that was shed over the inevitable rigors of a Monday morning. It could be some lame joke about it at the water cooler at the office, it could be an early Monday morning facebook post, or it could be just some totally fabricated bullshit I made up in my own fantasy world that I live in. I don't know.

Always taking it a step further, I'm going to use names in my blog - something I've never done before, and something I don't feel totally comfortable with. But to truly improve yourself (or make an awesome blogpost), and I believe it was the former (lol, fired) dipshit VP of our company that said: "you need to get out of your comfort zone".

So that's exactly what I plan to do.

Every Monday, I'm going to post the full name, and the offending remark of some poor whiner - whoever has the most pussified, Obamaesque, Democratarian facebook status of the day. With that said, I may have to embellish, or make shit up.

But whatever, I'll be alienating my friends from facebook, coworkers, bosses, whoever; all for the greater good of this blog...or a few bad taste, awkward chuckles that could potentially get me fired, divorced in the future, or disowned by my family. The things I do for this blog, man.

But it gets worse; If the Monday morning crying is severe enough, then I'll have no choice but to take this a step further. Facebook is a goldmine of information. So for he (or she) who dares to publicly cry about Monday mornings, I will provide the opportunity for the entire internet to ridicule you further.

That's right, I'm going to post your picture, your full name, your email address, your physical address, your phone number, all this information for any family members, and anything else I find to be essential for this project. Also, I'm going post all of this information on many internet messageboards.

You're not going to have a chance.

I know I said something about starting today, but this post is going to serve as a warning to all those out there. It's almost the new year, make a resolution to be less of a fucking pussy. GO TO THE GYM.

MAN THE FUCK UP.

Next Monday, maybe you won't be so lucky. This could be you (not the bull)

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