Wednesday, December 16, 2009

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: PISSING ME OFF

Today's HUMP DAY PUMP UP is going to be multifaceted.

There's really no other way to put it.

YOU'RE GOING TO GET PUMPED UP FROM EVERY WHICH WAY, YOU PUSSIES.

Who cares if you don't like awesome bands! Who gives a shit if you don't like awesome music!

Not I, pussies. I'm just here to do my job, except between the hours of 8am - 5pm EST, Monday - Friday. During those hours I'm just here to push the limits of fucking around at the office.

BOOM! MID-PREPUMP EXPLANATION AWESOME VIDEO POSTING MOTHERFUCKERS BOOSH!



Awesome song, right there.

Not sure if you noticed, but the band featured today is Behemoth. Sorry, I think I spelled that wrong; it should be BEHEMOTH.

All of these songs are from the album, "Demigod". Awesome, brutal album. I ordered this shit from Amazon back when it came out in 2005. At the time I was living with my Dad and Stepmom - it was awesome - but I ordered it online, and it came in the mail. I love getting mail. PUMP NUMBER 1 - EVERYBODY LOVES GETTING MAIL FUCK YEAH!

So I was waiting and waiting and waiting for this thing to come. Every day I would get home from work and ask if there was any mail for me.

And every day either my Dad or Stepmom would say "No/fuck you, twink". Finally, it was getting insane, the package should have arrived by now. Goddamn it, it's been like a week and a half, still no cd in the mail.

I remember it well: it was a Thursday, and heckyeahwoman was coming down for the weekend. I got home from work, and shortly after, she arrived. I would have immediately nagged about the cd, but I had to clean up quickly for her. Upon finishing up the light cleaning, I ask my Dad about the cd.

My Stepmom hears, and yells from the bedroom, "nothing came for you!". My Dad let's out a wheeze, and is choking back some chuckles, as evidenced from the spreading smile on his face. "What's so funny, Dad?", I ask. He can't lie to his son, as he tells me to look in the drawer by the cupboard.

Frantically running into the kitchen, what do I find?

It's the package I was waiting for! I wonder how long this package has been there! Did it come tonight? Yesterday? Last week? PUMP NUMBER 2a - FUCKING WITH THE AUTHOR OF HECK YEAH, MAN HAHA YOU BASTARDS!

Whatever, I hAve my cd, finally.

Of course, I ran to my room to bust this sucker out. And you know my parents were right behind me, eager to hear what the hell I was waiting on so furiously. After the acoustic intro of the first song begins my Dad mutters, "wow, this isn't so bad". Right at that second I change songs, and THIS COMES ON!



Shortly after, heckyeahwoman arrives, and after my parents telling her of the unfortunate hilarity earlier, she comes down to greet her master/boyfriend. Seeing that I'm engrossed in this awesome album, she picks up the cd and asks what I'm listening to, I tell her.

She replies, "oh, Bo-he-meth".

She corrects herself: "bee-hem-uth".

She corrects herself again, "buh-he-meth".

Not certain, she tries again, "BO-he-muth".

By this point she lolling as she mispronounces the name every which way, and tries to convince me it's BO-HE-METH. PUMP NUMBER 2b - FUCKING WITH THE AUTHOR OF HECK YEAH, MAN THAT AIN'T COOL SHAWTIE!

Whatever, check this out: have you ever tried to record vocals while taking a massive dump at work?



Cause that's what I think this would sound liMASSIVE PUMP NUMBER 3 - THE MOST BRUTAL VOCALS EVER YOUR FACE IS MELTED!

It's like, I don't care about nothin' man. No but for real -



BEHEMOTH IS AWESOME PUMP NUMBER 4 - THE CHILLS YOU GET RIGHT BEFORE I BUST OUT MY AWESOME ANALOGY FOR THE WEEK OMG

I posted like 3 Behemoth videos, all from the album, "Demigod". The entirety of each video consists of the audio of the song, while the album cover remains a still image. You don't even have to listen to the awesome music to see this! But you do need to at least look at it, to get totally PUMPED UP today.

Dude, look at that dude. Go ahead. Pretend to be him. Wish you were him.

He's holding a sweet scepter, wearing an awesome mask, and he doesn't even have a shirt on. Also, he's making a really cool secret, ancient gesture with his hand.

HUMP DAY PUMP UP 5 - YOU SONSABITCHES THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU AN AWESOME ANALOGY TO PUMP YOU UP, AND I DIDN'T! YOU GOT OWNED! HAHAHAH LOL

2 comments:

Tall PISSED Dude said...

GODDAMIT WITH THE HUGE FONTS HYM

Dus said...

haha, that dude on the cover is pretty bad ass.

Ancient hand gestures.