Friday, December 11, 2009

having kids

About a month or two ago, I finally decided that I want to have kids. A lot of my friends have had kids, but not only did they have kids, they had sons. Everybody. I can't think of one friend that recently had a daughter.

I'm not sure if that's because all my friends really had sons, or because I don't want to be friends with people who recently had daughters.

No but seriously, seeing my friends, and their kids, it looks like it would be pretty awesome. My good friend, *** in Tampa, had a son, lol a ginger son, but still, it's a son. He's so pumped up to have the little guy, and rightfully so. Awesome little dude.

I kinda wanted him to have a daughter, so that I could try to have a son, and then how awesome would it be for my son to bang his daughter? The dude would never get over it lol. He could beat me in basketball, golf, beer pong, darts, whatever; I'd just be able to bust out the old, "my son screwed your daughter".

"Hey heckyeahman, what are you doing this weekenMY SON BLASTED YOUR DAUGHTER!"

At the bar, "can you grab me another beeMY SON DESTROYED YOUR DAUGHTER!"

"I know, I know that your son fucMY SON FURIOUSLY POUNDED YOUR DAUGHTER AND HE PROBABLY FILMED IT AND IS UPLOADING IT TO THE INTERNET NOW!"

Anyway, seeing all my friends, I think I might be the asshole that gets stuck with a daughter. That's totally a double edged sword.

If she's hot, I'll always worry about dudes trying to blast her. Pound her good, you know? I don't want to have to worry about that.

But on the flipside, what if she's ugly? I don't want an ugly kid. Who the fuck wants an ugly kid? I don't want that troll parading around, sullying my good (looking) name.

What if she's smart? I don't want some little broad second guessing me. I already have to deal with heckyeahwoman; SHE'S GOING TO BE A FUCKING DOCTOR. I'm a bachelor's degree shithead in sales. FML.

But I don't want no dumb daughter either. I don't want to have to go to parent teacher conferences, and listen to the teacher tell me what a retard my daughter is for 45 minutes straight.

And holy shit, don't even get me started on having a fat kid. NO GODDAMN KID I HAVE WILL EVER BE FUCKING FAT.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

3 pregnant women are in the Dr's office. The 1st says I can't wait to have my baby boy. The 2nd woman says how do you know your having a boy? the 1st woman says cuz when my husband and I were having sex he was on top, so we're having a baby boy. the 2nd woman says i can't wait til I have my baby girl, cuz when my husband and i had sex I was on top. The 3rd woman starts crying, sobbing, "I'm gonna have puppies"

uncl mike

heck yeah, man said...

hahahaha