Wednesday, December 30, 2009

first xmas wrap-up

Ok, finally! We have here the first edition of the HECK YEAH, MAN XMAS WRAP UP.

Some of you may know that heckyeahwoman and I hosted our first holiday this past xmas. That's right, 6 people, and a shitload of gifts, food, booze, and animals were crammed into 800 square feet of holy shit/sweet apartment.

Wow, I don't even know where to begin. So I'll just give you an overview.

It was awesome, virtually everybody (except me) contributed at least one (1) awesome dish for us to nomnomnom on. We had one of the most delicious turkeys I have ever tasted. That's right, it was some of the best meat ever to cross my lips. Easily the sweetest, most succulent meat to enter my mouth. So juicy, and just throbbing with flavor.

Everybody really pitched in and helped with the cooking and cleaning; of course, heckyeahwoman really kicked the most ass in the kitchen. Probably one of the most stressful tasks of hosting a holiday, the cooking, really went off without a hitch.

Other than a few awesome stories that will be shared at a different time, not a whole lot of bad things happened. Yeah, I got drunk and embarrassed myself in front of heckyeahfuturemotherinlaw. But that wasn't a big deal.

I apologized in the morning, and everything is fine.

Oh, and yeah, heckyeahfuturefatherinlaw and I both got loaded; heated words were exchanged, he called me a swarthy son of a bitch, and we actually came to blows. The fight went outside, and I almost threw him over the balcony.

No worries, though, everything's patched up. He even helped me fix my car up the next morning!

Looking back, it really was a success.

But there is one little story I would like to share with you:

Xmas morning, all 6 of us gathered around a shitload of GIFTS. We're all taking our time, opening gifts, having laughs, sipping piping hot coffee, me stealing glances down heackyeahwoman's shirt, just having a merry old time.

Taking turns opening gifts, it's now heckyeahwoman's turn. She grabs a rectangular box, and is now ripping and tearing, only to uncover a shiny, flowey, drapey looking thing. I don't even remember.

It was a piece of clothing. Not sure what kind of a piece of clothing, but it was a piece of clothing. Tube top, dress, skirt, your guess would have been as good as mine.

Naturally, I was inclined to ask, so I did: "Oh is that a dress?" Quickly realizing that I don't always discriminate* between a dress and a skirt, ur boi tossed out a, "or a skirt?".

Before anyone can even get out an answer, I get a catty reply from heckyeahfuturemotherinlaw about, "of course it's a skirt" - inferring that only a retard wouldn't know that it was a FUCKING SKIRT.

Whatever, I mutter to myself, definitely audible to any untrained ear, "how the fuck would I know, I don't wear gay shit like that". I thought it was pretty witty.

That was immediately followed with dirty looks from pretty much everybody present.

*Shoot, that's about the only thing I won't discriminate.

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