Thursday, December 17, 2009

attn: dickheads re: cruise control

In September, our office moved about 10 miles farther North up the road. This pretty much doubled my commute time.

AND THAT PISSES ME OFF. I HATE WHEN MY COMMUTE GETS DOUBLED.

So do the math - more time on the road = more time for me to get pissed off about assholes doing fucked up things. Especially in rural-ass Alachua County.

Let's talk about cruise control for a minute; and this applies not just to my daily commute to and from work, but to any highway driving. Do you know how cruise control works?

Do you know what the point of cruise control is?

Long story short, it keeps you at a constant speed. I don't need to sit here and tell you all how useful it is. But what pisses me off is when I'm cruising along, and some bitch is riding my ass, then she passes me, she hits a hill, and I blow right by her. Then the cycle repeats itself until I get to where I'm going.

Check this out, dipshit non-cruise control users: when you go up a hill, if you're on cruise control, your speed will remain constant; same thing principle applies when you go down a hill - your speed remains constant. If you're not on cruise control, you will slow down going up the hill, because your foot most likely won't compensate for the fact that you now happen to be ascending a hill. Ascending a hill, you bastard. Likewise, when you go down the hill, you will gather speed, as you coast.

Are you beginning to get it? Are you starting to see why you pass me, I pass you, you get impatient, you pass me, I pass you, you are an asshole, you pass me, etc.? Does this make sense?

Do you understand why, when you tailgate me, I press on my brakes repeatedly? Does that scare you at all when I flash my brake lights? What about when I tailgate you, when I flash my lights at you? Does that freak you out? Do you even notice?

There's only one solution here. I need to get a side mounted rocket launcher on my car. People need to start dying for this.

Speaking of cruise control, check this out:

















Hey Penelope, this is the boner-causing police, and you are under arrest.

You are wanted for multiple crimes, including double mega boner inducing pics easily found on the internet, through google images.

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