Friday, November 20, 2009

facebook status for the night

I don't even remember what night this was, but I was just sitting around with heckyeahwoman, and all of a sudden, an epic idea popped into my head. I don't know where it came from, or what spurred it, but it came to me like a vision.

Like a vision quest.

For some reason, I felt this urgent need to change my facebook status. After running it by heckyeahwoman, and sadly receiving her looks of disappointment and utter failure, I chose not to act on my impulse.

Instead, I logged right into this here blog, and started a rough draft; because there was no way in hell that I was letting this little flash of genius go to waste.

What did I feel so enthusiastically that my facebook status should be?

"you fat fucks should all be ashamed of yourselves".

Again, not sure where that came from, but it's a sentiment I frequently have. Also, I don't really like to curse in my facebook status. Furthermore, I don't even like updating my facebook status, other than pimping my blog.

I can't stand when people constantly update their statuses with bullshit about their horrible lives.

"just got done with work, can't wait to sit on the couch all night!" Who the fuck wants to sit on the couch all night? Goddamn sonsabitches, that's who. I go to work, hate myself for 8 hours, go work out, get home, shower, and the last thing I want to do is just veg out in front of the TV. FUCK THAT, I want to jam on my guitar and melt goddamn faces. I want to shred that fucking six-string right in my cats face. In fact, sometimes I hook my electronic drum set up to my amp, and after turning that volume all the way up, I'll hold my cat's head right in front of the amp while I mercilessly abuse the double bass.

"my kids this, my kids that" Your KIDS ARE FUCKING UGLY RETARDS, YOU SHITHEAD. Wait, read that again. Lol, your kids are most likely not having intercourse with ugly retards; they ARE ugly retards, and you are still a shithead. This does not include **** & *****, or *** & ********, both of your sons are ridiculously awesome and you get free passes.

This one is dedicated to everybody who has ever been disgusted by someone's facebook status. This goes out to all the true believers. Everybody who has been keeping it real, this one's for you.

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