Monday, November 16, 2009

doin the lord's work

Just a random idea here, that occurred to me while I was taking a leak at work the other day.

Sometimes I feel like it would be good for me to do nice things for people. Maybe something nice like date an ugly chick, or a morbidly obese broad. Not nice for me, but just like, 'the nice thing to do', or maybe the right thing to do.

Unsightly, ugly-ass, huge chicks probably don't have a lot of awesome things happening in their lives, so dating a handsome, successful man like me would be like the one bright spot in their lives. I'd be real nice to them, and treat them really well.

Even when they're wrong all the time, I'd still be the one who is wrong. Just for them.

We could go on mini-vacations and shit, to public places where they'd be seen in public with me. Goddamn, they'd probably love that.

Could you imagine how excited they'd be to tell their friends, or parents, that they met a really nice guy who really likes them, for them? That they met a great guy who wants more than just some easy action?

I think they'd be really pumped.

I could even have them dump me in brutal way, so they really feel good about themselves. Uh, and so I could be released from this hell. Then I could continue the charade by dating an even more disgusting animal, as a rebound. We could top it off by having me bring said disgusting rebound to a place where I know she'd be, so she'd see it. Don't you think this would make them feel really good about themselves?

Who doesn't want to see their ex wind up with some loser, a couple pegs lower?

It could be like a service, or an intervention, or something. I could be hired by a group of concerned friends or family, for their unfortunate friend. They could arrange a fake, planned meeting, and I could just like hit on her furiously, lay on the charm, and make her feel all awesome.

And isn't that what life is all about, feeling awesome?

I think this would go over great in a college town. It's like internet dating, but with the guiding hand of the chick's loved ones.

I don't really want to bang nasty chicks. At all. I've got a gorgeous fiance, who I'm sure is getting nauseous as I type this.

But still, I'm a pretty nice guy who just wants to help.

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