Tuesday, October 13, 2009

tuesday fuck you: fake fingernails

I bet you can tell what this post is going to be about lol. If you don't know, let me give you an idea: it's about fake fingernails, and how much I hate them.

So tacky. Holy shit, that looks disgusting

I don't know, but I can't imagine being so unhappy with my fingernails, that I'd want to get different ones. Fake tits? Yeah, I can see a chick wanting to get new ones. In fact, I encourage most chicks to go ahead and git'em done. I love fake boobs. I love big boobs. I just love boobs.

But fingernails? Are your fingers, and their respective nails, so unsightly that you need new ones? Have you ever gotten a manicure? Try that once. Maybe just try clipping them once in a while.

Or if you're above the age of 23, and contemplating getting fake nails, try a huge dose of suicide. That'll fix ya* right up.

Damn girl, you went and ruined a perfectly decent set of fingers with that crap. That's what I call a fake ass ho.

Like, it's bad enough when a chick gets like normal fake nails, but when they try to pull shit like the above picture, then I start getting really pissed. Like pissed enough where I don't want to eat. Or where I start projectile vomiting, holy shit LOOK AT THAT BITCHES' HANDS THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING.

Odd little story here, real quick: one time I was at Publix, at like 7:17 in the morning, and the (probably) 17 year old kid bagging my groceries had fake nails. It was a he. Talk about weird looking lol, not every day do you see some kid with fake nails. I was going to tell him that his fake nails look pretty fucked up, and that he's a weirdo. But I didn't.

At the heck yeah, man household, we have a very strict NO FAKE NAILS policy. Won't even let 'em in the crib, man.

With that, on this beautiful Tuesday, I would like to say FUCK YOU, fake fingernails.

*Aside from fake nails, I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT when people use "ya". Like "love ya", "miss ya", "what are ya doing?", etc. I don't know why, but I just FUCKING HATE THAT. I'm sorry for using it above. To be fair though, I AM the type of asshole that still uses "lol" as a form of punctuation. So I don't know what's really worse lol

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