Wednesday, October 28, 2009

HUMP DAY PUMP UP: THE FEST EDITION

Every year Gainesville has "The Fest". It's like 300 punk, hardcore, metal, and gay bluegrass bands that invade our town.

It's different than any other fest I've ever been to, not just because it's awesome, but because of the way it's set up. See, most of the downtown bars participate, so instead of some huge parking lot, arena, or crazy fest setting, its just like 8-12 or whatever bars that have shows all day. It's really pretty awesome, and my mind is boggled how someone could finagle something like this.

So to pump you up, we're gonna view some awesome videos of bands playing The Fest.

Check this video of Converge out. They're not playing this year, but it's from their 2002 performance, and a fight breaks out. Make sure to watch at 2:40, when the bassist swings his bass like an axe, at some punk's head. Fuck yeah SEEING MOTHERFUCKERS GET HIT WITH MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS PUMPS ME UP.



Another great song by an awesome band, Dear Landlord: "I Live in Hell". Such a catchy song, and for 40 hours each week, most of us do live in hell. Go ahead, listen to this awesome song, get pumped up for me when I see them live, and you're at home sitting around with your thumb up your ass again.

Whatever, I'll be at the bar at 3:30 in the afternoon on Saturday. Probably with my thumb up my ass too. MEN WITH THUMBS UP THEIR ASSES PUMPS YOU UP (not me though, sorry).



A Wilhelm Scream is awesome. Lol @ the retards in the audience. RETARDS IN THE AUDIENCE PUMP ME UP.



You know what's coming next: my analogy. MY ANALOGIES PUMP US ALL UP.

I want you to think all the way back to the first video - the one with the bass player swinging his guitar at some dude. Imagine the rest of your week is the bass guitar that you're playing. Without even thinking twice, raise that thing up high, like an axe, and swing it down with all of your might, right on some unsuspecting asshole. Feel the calm as the guitar just disintegrates into wooden shards, just like the remaining hours of the week. Don't stop there. Pick up the biggest, most jagged shard you can find, and jam it into the nearest person's neck. Right into their throat.

Finish that motherfucker off, and before you know it, the weekend is here.

I'd tell you to buy tickets and come hang, but they're all sold out, haha eat shit!




Oh wait, SUPER EXTRA BONUS PUMP BECAUSE I TOTALLY THOUGHT SCREECHING WEASEL WAS GOING TO PLAY THE FEST, AND THEY DIDN'T. I'M PISSED, BUT IT'S AN AWESOME SONG TO PUMP YOU UP.

No comments: