Monday, October 26, 2009

great clips my ass

Friday afternoon, just leaving the office, things are lookin' up. IT'S THE WEEKEND! But my hairz is getting kind of shaggy, so I figured I'd swang on by Great Clips, and get a quick trim. Cuz you know, I gotz to be lookin' good for the weekend. Having big plans, we were gonna swing by some Octoberfest block-party celebration thing in Haile Plantation, the rich part of town.

Before I get into the haircut, I just want to elaborate on how much I hate rich yuppies, lol somehow I exempt myself from this hatred haha whatever. But anyway, I really hate 30-40 year old dads with polo shirts, moccasins, gay sunglasses around their necks, and probably a BMW in the garage. Yeah, your wife is hot, but she doesn't work, exercises all day, has fake boobs, most likely had a c-section, and is probably getting pounded by the gardener while you're at work.

So yeah, I hate those assholes.

BACK TO THE GODDAMN HAIRCUT.

I get into the Great Clips, give the chick my name, and wait a couple minutes till I'm up. Recognizing a couple of the stylists (lol, can you call anybody who works at Great Clips a stylist?), I notice the hot one, and some older lady. They've both cut my hair before, and done a fine job. Finally, I get called by the older lady; so I walk over and sit in her haircut station. After telling her that I just want a little trim, she seems to understand, as she starts cutting my hair.

The whole time she's cutting my hair, my attention is divided between keeping an eye on this broad to make sure she doesn't fuck my hair up, and watching this douchebag, in the hair-cutting station over, mack on the hot chick that's cutting his hair. This was the most awkward crap I've ever seen.

He's literally making fun of her for playing some musical instrument when she was in high school, while he tells her how much he likes sports, but doesn't play often because he "not very good". I heard a lot of awkward giggling, on her part. Like she was thinking, "you're trying to hit on me by making fun of me, you queef".

You could tell by his flirty tone, that he was genuinely trying to pull this chick. I can't remember the last time I tried to bang a chick by clumsily making fun of her. Oh yeah, it was in KINDERGARTEN YOU STUPID BASTARD, GET KILLED.

It was sad; flirting with chicks? Who does that? I'll just stick to my patented "point and pound" method. Simple, easy, proven. What more do you need. Yeah, I know I should of used a question mark, but it was really more of a statement than a question. My blog, my rules, fucko.

Either way, this chick was easily out of his league.

Hell she was probably out of my league too. Lol yeah right, ain't no bitch outta my league. Well actually, last time I dated a chick that was out of my league, I wound up pushing her onto the ground, and yelling at her to marry me. And by that I mean me getting on my knee, begging and pleading, and eventually offering to pay her to say yes. But whatever.

Holy crap we got sidetracked, I just wanted to tell a little story about a haircut, and now look where we are. OK, yeah, so I was splitting my attention between my actual haircut, and the hot chick getting macked on. Let's talk about the haircut a little bit more: so she's trimmin', cuttin', and clippin', and before I know it, she tells me she's done, as she tears the smock-apron thing off of me.

Yo, you ain't gonna let me look at your (soon to be discovered piss poor) haircut before you get me outta there? Uh-huh bitch, I'm eyeballing this shit before I go. Your tip depends on it. After checking out the haircut, I see probably the worst job of blending that has ever been attempted. My hair had lines in it like crazy. Bitch I ain't want a bowl cut, I ain't want shelves. It was like she took a razor to the bottom, and just cut a little bit off the top. And then was done. Without thinking, I bellowed out a booming:

"BITCH YOU GONNA LET ME LEAVE WIF MAH HAIRZ LOOKIN' LIKE THAT? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? BLEND THIS SHIT BEFORE I SHAVE YOUR FACE OFF WITH YOUR CLIPPERS"

I was confused, I've had this box cut my hair before, and she did a great job. Then she pulls this shit. Whatever, she took a second go at my head, and made it look great. Goddamn I'm handsome.

1 comment:

Goddam Pissed Tall Sonofabitch said...

WTF

"I really hate 30-40 year old dads with polo shirts, moccasins, gay sunglasses around their necks, and probably a BMW in the garage."

I hate you to motherfucker!!

WIIIINK you twink!!