Friday, October 30, 2009


I'm pissed. Goddamn pissed.

Saturday morning, it's beautiful outside, and I'm about to play some tennis. I like playing tennis. Yeah, at first glance, tennis might seem like a pussy sport. Well, actually it is. But it's fun as hell.

So I get in my car, and try to shift out of park, AND THE GODDAMN SHIFTER WON'T MOVE.


I reef on this thing for like 3 minutes, breaking a sweat, I almost break the shifter off. Holy shit I'm pissed. The car started up just fine, it just won't shift out of park. The dude I'm playing tennis with knows a bit about cars, he'll probably know what's going on, and end up being something stupid. No biggie, I'll take heckyeahwoman's car, and come back, and follow whatever advice he gives me.

After playing for an hour and a half, and losing both sets (now I'm really pissed), I get back and am eager to give my car another try. He suggests jiggling the keys while jiggling the shifter. I try it.

It doesn't work.

Back to sweating and being pissed.

Fuck it, I'll have to have it towed to the dealership, and have them fix it. Whatever, it's an 07, and I have a 3 year/36,000 mile warranty. It's 2009, and I'm at 32k miles, so I should be good. Lol @ only putting on 16k miles on it in the 2.5 years I've owned it.

Calling the dealership, and explaining the situation, they tell me I'm good to go, and to call the Chrysler towing company, and they'll tow it. For free. Sweet.

I call Chrysler, and the dude gets my info, and says he'll have someone there in 45 mins. Great! Then he drops the bomb.

"How are you going to pay for this?"

What motherfucker? Pay for it? I'm under warranty you son of a bitch.

"Actually you're car was purchased on October 19, 2009, and today is the 24th. Your warranty expired 5 days ago".

5 motherfucking days ago? What the fuck, how much does it cost?

"75 dollars".

Holy shit. I had no choice, my car wouldn't go, I needed to get it fixed. Fuck it.

Upon calling the dealership back, he tells me he's sorry, and that because the warranty is up, it'll cost me $325 to get it fixed. All I could do is explain to him my situation, and ask him if he thinks that's the right thing to do, considering this is a common problem with my make and model of car. Dodging the question, he suggested I call Chrysler.

So I did.

And I still haven't heard back from those pieces of shit.

$365 bucks later, on Wednesday, I have my car back. And there were a couple little screws on the wheel well that I asked him to replace, and he didn't even do that. What a fucking dipshit. I never use names in this blog, but I almost did here. That guy is an asshole. A worthless piece of shit mongoloid looking asshole.

Well, at least I got to borrow heckyeahwoman's car for 2 days to take to work. The thing about her car is, is that it doesn't have tinted windows. I like my windows nice and tinted, for a couple reasons.

1. Unlimited nosepicking. In my car I can pick my nose whenever I damn well please, without worrying about whether or not the shithead next to me can see. Hot slut in the next car over? NOSEPICK. Soccermom in a minivan, next to me at the red light, begging for the dong? NOSEPICK. The only concern is when a car is approaching me, because my windshield isn't tinted, you can see right in from the front. But otherwise, we're good to go.

2. Fixing my hair. You're probably aware of my well documented trips to get haircuts. I like to fix my hair in the rear view mirror on the way to work each morning. You know, just give it a good once over before I enter the office. It ain't easy being handsome. I don't need some hillbilly in the truck over, eyeballing me while I admire my dirty brown locks, ya dig.

3. Generally just eyeballing bitches. It's so much easier to just stare at some chicks rack when they can't see you in the car. I can't tell you how many times I've rolled through downtown, and nearly crashed my car because I was gawking at some slut's ass or chest. Goddamn, I swear the next step is a fleshlight.


Everybody have an awesome weekend, I'll be at The Fest, man!

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