Friday, October 16, 2009

encounter with a douchebag

I hate to have to do this again, but this kind of stuff needs to be documented.

It was a beautiful evening; and I just had a nice dinner with heckyeahwoman. At McAllister's Deli, lol. On my way home, I hit a stoplight. Not just any stoplight, but a stoplight that for a short second, would stop not only traffic, but time as well.

In slow motion, this red jeep pulls up. The doors are all off, and some queef is sitting there all douchebag'ed out.

Messy fauxhawk - check

Board shorts - check

Shit-eating grin - check

Fucking flip-flops - probably check, but I wasn't looking at his douchebag feet though, weirdo

Shitty rubberband wrist bracelet things that penisleeches wear - check

I had my windows down, the moon roof wide open, and E-Town blasting; then this turdcutter looks over at me, and gives me the "what's up brah" nod.

What could I do? I had to think quick. The best I could come up with was shooting him the "I'm going to fucking kill you" sneer/head nod combination.

This guy, being well versed in the douchebag vernacular, immediately silently replies with a head bob-shake thing, which he meant to mean: "just chillin' brah". Knowing better, and being able to see through this apparent douchebaggery, "I'm a toolbox, and I know it", is what I got out of his little head shake thing.

God, this guy drinks from the toilet.

While his reply was indeed silent, it wasn't truly silent. He may not have made a sound, but every ounce of his being, his entire aura, just completely screams, "There is no good reason for me to be alive".

While that may be true, this light is about ready to turn green, and we're about to go our separate ways. I wanted to leave him with something. Something that will hopefully help him change his ratboy ways.

I had no choice but to give him the "you're the biggest FUCKING DOUCHEBAG I have ever seen, and I hope you crash your jeep into an airplane, and die" fist pump.

You know, I really need to start carrying my camera with me EVERYWHERE I GO.

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