Monday, October 12, 2009

as much blood as possible

Most of you have probably already heard the glorious news, I proposed to heckyeahwoman, and she said "HOLY SHIT THAT ROCK IS HUGE", followed up by a, "yeah, I guess". She's a lucky woman/I'm a lucky dude.

What we did next, was probably what any loving couple would do: we went to the first shitty bar we could find, and had an ice cold brew to celebrate. It gets worse.

We were in the town where we went to college, where we first met. I worked at this awesome restaurant, where they served a tasty, little Friday night fish fry. God it was so good. Our plan was to hit this spot for dinner, and then hit some of the bars we used to frequent back in the day.

Oh, and we did.

Surprisingly, a few people I worked there with, over 5 years ago, still worked there. So we got our table and bumped into a couple of my former co-workers, and of course they noticed the rock. And by noticed, I mean they were blinded. Blinded to the point where they're suing me for irreparable eye (god)damage. They offered their congratulations, and were generally happy for us, which was nice.

Then it occurred to me: all the tables around us probably thought we were doing a celebratory dinner there lol. Really tasty restaurant, but not the type of place you'd bring a lady to celebrate an engagement lol. Though I do have to give kudos to ***** for taking the awesomeness up a couple notches. The place looked great.

So you're probably wondering what that potentially brutal title could have to do with an occasion as wondrous as telling a chick to marry you. Let me fill you in.

We'd been shopping for rings for a while now, and all of a sudden she came across this one. I was beyond pumped to find one that she had to have. There was just one question I need answered before I could go ahead and procure this fine piece of jewelry:

Is this a blood diamond?

Until we started ring shopping, I had no idea what the fuck a goddamn blood diamond was, or what that shit even meant. I honestly thought it was just some red-hued diamond or something. Could be pretty, who knows. And no, I didn't watch the movie with Leonardo DiCraprio.

Naturally, I looked a little bit more into it, and thought yeah, it would mean a lot if I bought her a really nice ring. But wouldn't it be really special if somebody gave the ultimate sacrifice, just for the symbol of our love? How would she know I really loved her if I didn't give her a token of our love, that somebody had to pay for, with their life?

These are questions you need to ponder before you jump into any engagement or marriage.

So there I am, at the counter, ready to pay for this rock, and bust; and I remember to ask the older lady I was buying it from, the question:

"Is this a blood diamond?", I ask.

Before she can answer, I blurt out in excitement, "please tell me there's more blood on this diamond than on my turds".

The look of shock, horror, and disgust, on her face was priceless. "Here, just take your ring, and get the hell out of here", as she shoved the box in my face, and threw the receipt at me.

I took that as a no, it's not a blood diamond.

Whatever, it still looks pretty awesome.

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