Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Storytime

Once upon a time, there was this awesome dude, and he was in college and had just started dating some skank.

It was Christmas break and the new couple thought it would be fun to go skiing. And go skiing they did. They chose some slopes (lol, Japan), and set a date. How convenient, the chick's like OMG total BFF also lived in that same area we'd be skiing. And OMG she lived with her fiance, or whatever. So plans were made to ski all day, drink at night, and stay over there. Mind you, this was before either of us were 21, so we still actively made plans to drink.

Finally that day came, and we hit the slopes. It was a blast. I'm not much of a skier, and that was only like the 2nd time I've ever gone. It was fun, I stuck to the double black diamond hills and almost died, it was great.

Once we finished skiing, the partying began. Picking up the booze, and grabbing a bite, man we were PUMPED.

The night started off well, I think we were playing some drinking games. It was great, we were all getting along well enough, and I was drinking quite a bit. But trust me, if you were dealing with these 2 slores, you'd be drinking heavily too.

Finally the time came for us to hit the sack. The couple that lived there retreated to the bedroom, and we retreated to the living room floor. Whatever, I was too loaded to care where I crashed.

It must have been around 4am or something, and I awoke with a start. I heard a weird rumbling in my bell-OH SHIT I NEED TO PUKE!

Running to the bathroom, I feel a little come up, so I catch it in my hands. Goddamn, finally I get to the bathroom and begin PUKING MY FUCKING BRAINS OUT. Now, the other couple is still sleeping, and I'm keeping that in mind as I puke so quietly. It was so hard to hold back when I needed to roar like a lion.

But whatever, I can't take it anymore, I'm puking so violently that I let out a roar the Lion King would be proud of. Holy shit, this definitely woke everybody up. The couple comes running to see what is going on.

They ask me if I'm OK, and if I'd like some water; and as I nod affirmatively, they walk off in disgust.

What, you fuckers? You ain't ever seen anyone throw up before? So I continue puking a little, and things finally settle down. I crawl onto the couch to sleep for another couple hours before we get up and drive the 2 hours home. Fuck.

OK, I awake to the sounds of the couple angrily making breakfast, and I wonder, 'what the fuck got their undies in a bundle', as I walk to the bathroom to pee.

My eyes are just as shocked as my brain is, when I see:

FUCKING PUKE EVERYWHERE

ALL OVER THE TOILET, TOILET SEAT, TOILET BOWL (INSIDE AND OUT), FLOOR, SIDE OF THE SINK CABINET, GARBAGE CAN, THE TOILET CLEANER BRUSH HANDLE, FUCKING EVERYWHERE

I had no idea. A half a fucking hour later, I clean ALL THE PUKE up, and am ready to GTFO.

I had been dating that chick for like 2 weeks at this time, and we ended up dating for what, like maybe another month or so. We never hung out with her friends again.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

PUKE AS A WEAPON = AWESOME
Love, Dickhead