Friday, July 17, 2009

i think she hears me

Ok friends, I want you to step outside of reality for a minute.

Imagine for a second that you just spent the night at a woman's place. You were probably up really late working on homework or something. It was awesome. And anyway, you're pretty hungover.

Laying in bed, you feel the gurgling of your belly and you know something ain't right. You need to go to the bathroom.

Her bathroom.

The bathroom isn't like, just off the bedroom, or down the hall, or something, either. It's right off the kitchen. THE FUCKING KITCHEN.

And she has roommates.

Girl roommates.

And their place is clean - like, girl clean. But there is nothing clean about what you know you gotta do.

So you sneak outta bed, head into the bathroom, and flip on the fan, just praying that it's noise will drown out some of the hellish noises you're about to let loose.

Long story short, you're sitting there blasting away just fine, in relative silence; and then you hear her get up, and walk into one of her roommate's rooms. Ok, you thought you snuck out of bed undetected. Either way, she now knows that someone, presumably you, is in the bathroom making the brown stuff.

That's fine - it's totally natural, right? I guess you could argue that what you're doing right now may be natural, but it sure ain't right.

Right then, you let out a monstrous, roaring fart that echoes so loud, it vibrates the entire house. A couple more toots follow, and where you could previously make out some faint chit chat between the girls, is now a brief moment of silence.

And then you hear it...

The faint sound of 2 girls, and their muffled giggling. They hear me.

The worst may be over, but your bowels still have a little bit of fight left in them. You unleash another couple blasts of hot air/more brown stuff, and whatever giggling the girls were doing has now turned into outright laughter.

I can't control it, I get the urge to laugh, and it's gonna take every ounce of strength I have to contain my ROFLS.

Do I have the inner strength necessary to contain those ROFLS?

Not a chance. Before long, the house is filled with roaring laughter.

Wow.

1 comment:

Dus said...

hahaha LOL, so true, so true. Why does this keep happening to me?