Thursday, July 23, 2009

find a good man

Just when I was going to try to curb my swearing here, I come across this article on, about the best places to find a good man. Obviously, the article itself is FUCKING BULLSHIT. So I took it upon myself to fix it up a little.

You want to find a good man? Well, nobody GIVES A SHIT about you.




Here's what we think of the article's best places to find a good man:

Churches, synagogues or mosques: "There will you find men with a spiritual disposition," Rabbi Shmuley says. heck yeah, man says: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah, if you're into some retard who's idea of a fun weekend is waking up early on Sunday, and eating cardboard pieces of bread cause he believes it's some dead dude's body. Yo, that's fucked up. I guess on the plus side, if you're in the bible belt, the 9 o'clock mass is about as early as you can publicly consume booze, legally.

Bookstores: Here, you'll find men who are intelligent, he says. heck yeah, man says: Do you know what kind of pudwhackers hang out at bookstores? Douchebags trying to get bitches to think they're intelligent - that's what kind.

Charity events: Volunteer to work with charitable organizations and attend charity events to find men with heart, Rabbi Shmuley says. "[Charity events] usually draw men with a social conscience," he says. heck yeah, man says: One friend says to his other friend, "hey I'm going to tell this broad that I volunteer at this animal shelter so she'll sleep with me. I bet that place is just crawling with poon". Also, I volunteered at a women's domestic abuse shelter. Do the math, dickhead.

On dates set up by friends: Your friends will most likely be discerning in who they'll introduce you to, Rabbi Shmuley says. heck yeah, man says: This is the easiest way to clean up.

In the military: "The military usually draws really good guys," he says. "They're heroes—men with a sense of mission." heck yeah, man says: You're also going to find dudes that shoot huge, awesome weapons, and then next time you're pissing him off, he's going to SHOOT YOU WITH A FUCKING ROCKETLAUNCHER OR FLAMETHROWER OR SOMETHING.

Libraries: These are quiet, contemplative settings that often attract intellectual guys, Rabbi Shmuley says. heck yeah, man says: Or it could just attract a normal scumbag looking to borrow a book, or something.

Concert halls: Find cultured men who love music at these venues, he says. heck yeah, man says: Uuuhh, the kind of concerts I go to, I think 'cultured' is the last thing I'd think of any of the patrons, male or female. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little scene trash every once in a while.

Weddings: Weddings have a great romantic atmosphere, and commitment phobes usually stay away from them, Rabbi Shmuley says. heck yeah, man says: Fact: 99% of dudes at weddings, that are single, are looking to get laid. Fact: 99% of dudes at weddings, not single, are looking to get laid.

Lectures and debates: Such events usually attract a higher quality guy. heck yeah, man says: "a higher quality guy" - please define that. I like to think of myself as a 'higher quality guy', and I would enjoy going to a lecture or a debate. But then again, I love this song (longest, most bad ass windmill ever, at about 1:35).

Coffeehouses and poetry recitals: Seek out the sensitive, nice guys who might frequent these places. heck yeah, man says: My life mission is to go to every coffeehouse or poetry recital, and kick every dude's ass I see. One time I went to this poetry recital looking for a good knockdown, and some dipshit was on the stage rapping about a fucking tree branch, so I grabbed this other douchebags macbook, and beat both of them to death with it.


Anonymous said...

You had me at "pudwhackers"

heck yeah, man said...

pudwhackers had me at "you".