Monday, March 16, 2009

runnin' some numbers

A couple weeks ago I went to the mall. It was productive - I found a pair of jeans. Please allow me to throw some numbers at you:

17, 95, 100, 1, 2

Why the hell would you care about 5 numbers? Let me explain their significance. And if after reading, your mind isn't completely blown by these numbers, then well, I don't know what to tell you.

17 - This is the approximate number of hot chicks I saw at the mall, who were with what I assumed to be their significant other. I'm talking about legitimately good looking broads. Also, to qualify as 'hot', not only did they have to be good looking, but they also had to have less than 60% of their body covered with superfluous clothes.

95 - Out of the 17 hot chicks, this is the approximate percentage of those chicks that were with pudwhackers. But how can I call these dudes pudwhackers, when I don't even know them? Lol, my eyes work just fine, and they tell me all I need to know. Anyway, this percentage tells me one thing: we may have an epidemic here.

100 - This is the percentage of all chicks at the mall who looked at me, made eye contact, smiled, and immediately wished I was right there with them, instead of their pudwhacker significant other.

1 - I saw one (1) trinket broken. No kidding, it was at that store, Things Remembered...you know, the place with all those stupid trinket things? So check this, I'm walking by thinking about how awesome I am, and I hear this loud as hell CRASH! Looking over in the direction of the sound, I see some little kid's face get all red, and then erupt in a volcano of crybaby tears. I couldn't help but lol to myself as I thought of blog potential. The icing on the cake: I see what appeared to be the kid's mother run over to her kid, and ask, "goddamnit, what did you do?" holy lol.

2 - This is the amount of epic events that happened that day at the mall. The first epic event is described just above. But what about the second epic event? Well I had to go to Macy's to see if they had any deals, and the men's stuff is on the bottom floor. So I took the escalator down. I perused the jeans, and decided they didn't have what I needed. Time to bust out yo. So I'm heading for the other escalator, and as I approach I see 2 things: the first one is that the escalator isn't moving. At all. And the second is a sign that says something about the escalator not working, and something about using the elevator. So I used an elevator at Macy's. I guess it wasn't really that epic, but I already spent like 5 minutes typing it out, So there's no way in hell that I'm going to delete it, and have all that furious typing go to waste.

2 comments:

Susan said...

you crack me up!

hym said...

thank you for reading!