Thursday, March 26, 2009

road rage

Do any of you remember my post last week where I went over a couple numbers from my trip to the mall? While I'm not going to revisit those numbers, I am going to revisit that particular trip to the mall. Rather, that particular trip home, from the mall.

If my memory serves me right, this was one of the first warm weekends after what seemed to be kind of a longer, more brutal winter - for Florida, lol. It was hot and kinda humid, and I was wearing jeans. I was kind of warm, and just ready to get home.

Pulling out of my parking space, my car is still hot from the sun beating down on it. This isn't making me happy, instead it's pissing me the fuck off. Whatever. To get out of the mall parking lot, you have to cross this street where we get a stop sign, but neither the traffic from both the left and right, nor the oncoming traffic have stop signs. It can be kind of a pain in the ass. From there, you cross the road into one of two left turn lanes...I generally need the left, left turn lane because...well, that's just the one I fucking need, ok? Ok.

Oddly, I have no problem crossing the road, and I sneak into the left turn lane that I need. Nice. I got the tunes pumpin', and I'm finally starting to cool off/chill out (brah). I notice some bitch in the car to my right, in the other left-turn lane, eyeballing me. I figure it's just because I'm really fucking good looking, really fucking muscular, and I have a sweet fucking ride.

Boy was I wrong.

We get our left-turn arrow, and we both begin making our left turns, though out of nowhere she bursts ahead of me like she thinks her gay little Volkswagon is faster than my FUCKING LAMBOURGHINI FERRARI. What an idiot.

So not only does she try to blow past me, but she just decides to cut me off, and merge into my lane...except there's no room for her to fit in, the car ahead of me is just crawling, and I'm sure as hell not letting this bitch in.

All of a sudden, I notice her fucking hazard lights are on, and she's honking her horn like a maniac, giving me the finger and yelling out of her window at me.

WHAT THE FUCK

So I do the only logical thing: Speed up to make sure I don't let this psychopath in, start honking my horn, and begin cursing like a sailor at this twat.

I'm yelling at the top of my lungs, "YOU CRAZY FUCKING BITCH I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR CHILDREN"

And she's just freaking out. Finally, she gasses it, and get's ahead of both me and the car right in front of me.

This shit ain't over, ho. We're both heading onto I-75 Southbound, once off the ramp, I blow by this bitch with my middle finger though my moonroof.

She saw it. I know she did.

The funny thing is, if she would have used a blinker to try to merge - like a normal person - I woulda let her right in. But no, she had to go and be a bitch about it.

See below for the song that was playing in my car, at the time of this insanity.


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