Alright, peep this. So here I am at home nom nom nomin' away on some tasty morsels, and a commercial comes on. Not just any commercial, but a yogurt commercial.
It was a stupid commercial. But that's not the point. The whole selling point of the yogurt was that it had 20 fewer calories than the leading brand.
Brand A had 100 calories.
Brand B only had 80 calories.
If I ever get to a point in my life where I'm fussing about 20 calories - in a cup of yogurt, no less - please take me aside, shake me, and call me the biggest goddamn fucking retard ever.
Jesus Christ, 20 calories. I burn 20 calories just wiping my ass. So maybe if you're looking to kill some calories, you should wipe your ass like 6 times a day. Well, 6 extra times a day.
But that's not taking into account the sludge-like consistency of my bowel movements. Wiping that toxic melting asphalt-like lava 9 or 10 times a day takes a lot out of a man.
20 calories my ass.