Tuesday, December 16, 2008

i showed him

I had to drive across town this afternoon to hit up the chiropractor. Yeah, my back is a little sore, but the back pain isn't nearly as painful as living with the fact everyday, that you're still alive. That shit sucks, bro.

Anyway, I had to drive by the mall, and the traffic was just horrendous. It was like 4:15ish, so rush hour is just getting started.

Wait, rush hour in Gainesville? In fucking Gaines-goddamn-ville? Are you serious?

You're goddamn right I am.

I take pride in my driving, mostly cause I'm not a chick, but also because if someone is trying to get out of a parking lot or something, I'll let them in. I did that no less than 4 times today.

Guess how many times I was let in....yeah, zero.

Guess how many times I was almost T-boned by some shitdick switching lanes....at least three.

Guess how many homeless people I almost ran over...2, but only because those little shits ran so fast.

I'm sure it didn't help that I was fucking around with my iPod while I was trying to drive lol.

Whatever, by the time I got to within a few blocks of where I was going, I was pretty pissed. Then all of a sudden it was like angels started singing, and like everything had kind of a golden glow to it.

I didn't know what was happening, but I felt like I didn't have a care in the world, like I could walk on water or some fucked up shit like that. There was something supernatural telling me to turn my head and look out my passenger-side window, into the car next to me. It was divine intervention.

So I look over into the car next to me, and what I saw was nothing short of ridiculous. Life changing.

This fucking douchebag looking rat fucker just screaming at the top of his lungs at this chick, she looked pretty scared. He was yelling and berating her and getting all kinds of pissed off over what sounded like them getting lost. Yo, I ain't a gamblin' man, but if they were lost, my money is on the chick was navigating.

Anyway, in this moment of clarity, I look over, toot my horn, and as they both look over, I look the guy straight in the eye, and give him the meanest middle finger that has ever been given. I mean, this middle finger had the strength of ten thousand pissed off dudes, and it meant serious business. And as icing on the cake for this little shit, I mouthed the words "fuck you".

As this fleeting moment of grace and divinity came to an end with the guy throwing his hands in the air like 'I give up', I got my green arrow, and made my left turn.

Fuck yeah.

1 comment:

Steve_Kerr said...

Heck Yeah Man: 1
The Lost Guy: 0