Friday, December 26, 2008

the crossing guard

Every morning on my way to work I drive through a school zone. I'm normally cruising along at like 80 in a 35 zone because my car is so goddamn fast & awesome, and I'm the fucking man.

But then I hit the school zone...and life creeps into a 15 mph hell.

Sometimes it even creeps into an 'extended wait at the stoplight while the little shits cross the street' type of hell.

I can't help but notice the crossing guards, and how seriously they take their job. This one bitch in particular, lol.

When it's time for these little kids to cross, this one broad puffs out her chest, and blows her whistle so goddamn hard that I have to give her the finger. She stomps out into the middle of the street like a twat on a mission - with both hands raised up at her sides giving the "stop!" or "halt!" sign. If this wasn't happening in the middle of some stupid road, I would guess that it would be in a circus or something.

Then when the kids finally cross, she walks back to her post - head down, all dejected and bummed, because her 60 seconds of being awesome* just came to an abrupt end. That, and the light just turned green, and she wants to get the fuck out of the road so she doesn't get run over.

Anyway, I was going to go into something about how if you're dumb enough to play in traffic, you deserve to get hit; but I honestly didn't feel like 'going there'.

*I use the word "awesome" very, VERY, loosely here. Also, I hope everybody had a safe and fun holiday. If not, that probably sucks.

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