Tuesday, November 18, 2008

you breakin' the law bro?

I can't tell you how many times I've heard pussies bitch about getting a speeding ticket.

"I was only going 5 over."

"I was only going 7 over."

Wait, so you were going OVER the speed limit? Isn't it illegal to go OVER the speed limit? Maybe I'm missing something, but that's breaking the law...and you just got busted. Get over it, fuckin' pussy.

Jesus Christ, if your going to bitch about something as silly as you knowingly breaking the law, and getting busted for it - I can only imagine how horrible the rest of your life has to be.

Do you have a wife? She hates you, and she's probably sleeping with the mailman.

Do you have kids? They hate you and you're a horrible dad.

What about your parents? They're still in disbelief at how they raised such a crybaby pussy.

Your co-workers? They want you dead.

Your insurance agent? He's trying to drop you because of the company's firm "no douchebag pussy" policy.

Your boss? You're gonna get fired tomorrow when you get into the office.

The dudes at your gym? They contemplate dropping the barbell ON YOUR FUCKING NECK every time they spot you when you bench.

The lady at the coffeeshop you hit everymorning before work? You've been drinking coffee + cream + spit for a year and a half now, dick.

Guys at your local gun range/shop? They sold you a faulty gun on purpose.

Next week:

"But honey, I only laid mad pipe up in my secretary one time!"

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